#that shit is just a google search away
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K you can talk about your woo-woo ghosts and miracles and spirit guides and shit till the cows come home and I won't say jack but if you start talking about real historical people and events and get the facts so incredibly wrong you might as well be making shit up I will start biting
#paranormal podcasts#c'mon people#that shit is just a google search away#and it's not esoteric knowledge
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"As the windows smashed in, Robin shut his eyes and remembered his mother's face. She smiles. She says his name." babel's ending ended me so to speak so i drew it out
#OHH SHIT HE *CLOSES* HIS EYES#anyways repost from my ig#babel an arcane history#robin swift#babel or the necessity of violence#rf kuang#babel rf kuang#art#my art#comic#my comic#etc etc wtv who the fuck cares#overall it was a p solid book though#like even though you could see the twist coming from a mile away it just. oUGH#pretend that i drew robin consistently the whole time okay đ#the stick doesnt mean anything but the clothes (which are about as historically accurate as google image search so uh. sorry) were supposed#to look kinda ghosty. yk bc theyre dead#and the child robin used to be was also kinda killed#i think itd be p fucked up if robin couldnt perfectly remember his mom's face though so obviously thats how i drew her teehee
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Do you love this skull? And the old internet? And attribution? You might like this :)
#this is delightful#i really am enjoying the newish trend of tracking down sources and creators of iconic internet things#also i find it very funny and crazy that people finding old websites#can't seem to process the concept of personal webpages#so many times in these sorts of things i see creators puzzling over 'why this was made'#because we're so steeped in corporate hosted social media sites and presences#that younger folks are just too distanced from the idea of just#making a personal site with your own random stuff and interests#disconnected from a Facebook or tiktok curated page#go make a geocities site and recapture being free!#this has gotten away from me somewhat#but i really liked this video and all the effort that went into it#i remember being in 7th grade picking through various rudimentary search engines#because google didn't exist and different sites trawled different content#looking for cool gifs and art#because little pixelated dragon gifs were the coolest damn thing to me#yes I'm old as shitâ sorry#and a lot of this video brought back some of that#i miss it#long live jazz skull#Youtube#skull#skeleton#Halloween#doot skull#trumpet skeleton#spooky gifs
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got tasked with something outside of my âjob descriptionâ (something i donât really have) and it has to do with employee engagement and âcontent creationâ and i donât know if itâs because iâm about to get my period but my first reaction upon hearing the whole plan was to cry soâŚamazing friday iâm having here
#internal comms guy told me to not shy away fromâand i quoteââgoogle and chathptâ#đ¤˘đ¤˘đ¤˘#and it took everything in me to very calmly say âgoogle as a search engine of courseâŚbut i personally am not fond of chatgptâ#which i think got me some respect cause both the guy and my director looked genuinely surprised to hear that feom someone my age i think#ughhhh i just wanna stomp my feet and go âi donât wannaaaaaaâ#cause guysâŚi really really donât wanna#i donât care about any of this#god just let me do my desk duties as a 9-6 (which is stupid enough) and let me get on with my life#anyway hope everyone else is having a better friday cause this shit just downed my mood like a college freshman downs shots of fireball
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Just a heads up I am gonna be annoying about posting my art now bc I'm sick and tired of seeing "conductors" of AI Generated horseshit get thousands of notes for smashing some words into a computer for a soulless hack that took 8 gallons of water to make.
Follow @crimsonvulturestudios I mostly do OC stuff, Vulture Culture, the occasional bit of fanart, furries, etc.
Commissions are always open.
#I hate generative ai with a passion#I am not talking about AI as a tool the way we use it in our day-to-day lives.#No these generative ai's and AI pulling from REDDIT for google answers are plain stupid and takes the humanity out of the internet#google used to be so simple#you got your answer right away and it was generally reliable#but now its sponsored answers first and misinformation was way too easy to get as a first result#even before this AI shit sometimes Google would fuck up an answer bad#but NOW they're pulling from joe schmos on the internet?! HOW COULD YOU NOT SEE THIS COMING?!#From REDDIT TOO#Brother#Its just worse!!!#Anyways get firefox and try to find a new search engine that doesnt use Chromium#Sigh
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The perks of salary - during the off seasons, you get paid to do nothing at work except scroll social media looking for time to kill or something to do. You have weekly meetings detailing office shenanigans and how Sales is about to start a robot battle using modified Roombahs to showcase how good our firm is at the "techy nerd stuff". People want in and don't know the first thing about modifying, much less programming, Roombahs. But your team does - and your phone is blowing up from Slack messages. Teams from other offices you ain't ever heard from dub it the RoboDome. You and your coworkers at the same position/dept. across all branches are banned due to accusations of bribery, theft, and schematic alterations ripped from the iRobot website within the first few hours of the announcement. You become "consultants" for the participating teams, by accepting dog/cat pics, donuts, and covered shifts on holidays. You go back to scial media scrolling the rest of the week, before you remember that you don't need to even be at the office anymore (a habit of yours from the insane crunch period from last month) and file with HR for "work from home". You dread the upcoming crunch time in a few months so you pretend this is how work is done the entire year. You go to tumblr to view your favorite fandom trending and see Neil Gaiman' blog. You remember the dread of work in the last few 'crunches'. You doomscroll more. Still get paid to reblog.
The downsides to having a salary - you work overtime almost every day/week during crunch times with no OT pay or bonuses. You reenact a breakup scene everytime you leave your bed, it hasn't had the bedding washed in over a month, and your coworkers are all zombies begging for someone with brains (to come relieve them from the slog of chugging out code in PHP because one of our clients demanded it in that language). One of the clients called about a syntax typo that crashed everything on the user end and made their systems look "like the Matrix if it was a Scy-Fy knockoff". There's a programmer who has quit at the lunch table at least three times this week but can't officially send off his resignation because his wife is pregnant and needs his insurance benefits (she's doing her residency and can't afford shit). The coffee you reheated in your mug is from last week, and your breakfast of one wrinkly apple and half a bag of Veggie Straws was the only fresh thing you've seen in days. No one knows who is in charge of what, and you keep getting texts asking where you are hiding because all of you engineers owe the dept lead a program from last week that was due a month ago. You get the first email from the owner/CEO of the year, thanking you all from his office that he has been sleeping in for a few days now. There's 4 shareholders that you've never seen or met and they all want monthly updates from each dept. Someone's calling out because their kid is sick and you can taste the salt in the air. You are hiding with the other engineers in one of the 'executive' workstations, feeling like you are putting your forehead against a cheesegrater when you see the jumbled mess of PHP and what you think is PowerShell. You quietly type away and remind your coworkers and yourself, "I need this job".
Between all of this you have periods of normal, healthy, and productive periods of work. You stay at home, get up and shower and get to work, and you do all of your tasks from your living room. You come in for meetings once a month, excited to see people. On special projects you come in everyday. You see code and you see hardware and you see all kinds of cool things that made you fall in love with your career. You hate the "Big 4" in IT for corrupting and warping your industry. You hate what greed has done to necessary industries like IT, education, medical and public services.
You hate how everything that is a commodity eventually seems to turn into a necessity and in turn gets warped for profit and gains. Need a degree? Go get a pricey degree! Need medical attention? You need pricey insurance! You want to use public services? Sorry, we have underfunded those in the last decade or more. They aren't gonna be as helpful - or you can spend more money on this other useless service that kinda sorta works better and is more than the other one! (I'm looking right at you Amazon, and your stupid book subscription thing.)
You are sick of it, but because you make more money than should be possible at your workplace you try to suck it up and tell yourself that it's what you signed up for, like how retail workers know about Black Friday. So you suck it up. And go back to mindlessly scrolling through social media feeds while getting paid.
The benefits of salary: paid to browse.
The downside? Your career's enshittification has you regretting your life choices.
#i'm sick of it. i truly am#crunch time will be worse this year since 3 of the programmers are expecting kids in that time period#the big crunch at my office is from May-Aug and I hate it so much#currently doomscrolling at work in my jammies#not to mention the tedious âmake sure it worksâ during Aug-Oct#and the âcontractâ work from the big names to make sure their shit works during the holidays#programmers treated like code monkeys and churning out code for 10+ hrs#engineers treated like some all powerful âfix-itâ person when some of this shit is easily done with a Google search#the enshittification of careers that help keep society afloat like medical#and anything in IT and public services like teachers and firefighters#i'm just sick of âget a degreeâ being how people can avoid crappy treatment and jobs#and the majority of necessary sectors that benefit society are being warped by capitalist greed#driving away most people from these once highly-regarded careers#we all deserve better
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I suppose it makes sense that skipping my medication yesterday, swallowing barium while trying not to spit it up, and having a nurse press on me with an air-filled paddle to make sure the barium wasâŚexiting properly by making my small intestine to shoo aside and let her see my large intestine wouldâŚya knowâŚdo it to make an already always cranky gut sore.
But also. OW.
(I was warned about the barium tasting gross with a gross texture, at least.)
#tigerâs roar#âŚalso wth is a âmild ileumâ and howâd it get there and how do I make it go away hahh#(yes Iâve already done the google searches. Iâm just whining until the gastro office calls me with the results as well so I can ask)#(buuuut the best I can find is that itâs âlike an obstruction but not an obstruction which are far more seriousâ orâŚsomething#but like. the tech asked at least once if Iâve ever had surgery there soâŚbe that what you will#(no. no I have not. I do have a gene for one autoimmune disease and this is screening for a second#(and there is something seriously Wrong with the level of pain and blood volume with my periods soâŚ?)#the tech was also super sympathetic about coming in with discomfort turning into much pain from the barium irritating whateverâs wrong#as well as my morning nausea that Iâve had since childhood that nobody gives a shit about#(like. my classmates still tease me about puking every morning brushing my teeth#(tHATâS how long Iâve been sick in the morningsâŚ)#âŚhah. I just. want my tendons to stay put so my limbs arenât wobbly and hands stop hurting and gut to eat food again without pain
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canât stop thinking about nanami putting you in a full nelson omg :(( (not proofread btw sorry <//3)
the first time he brought it up to you you were very intrigued, until you did a quick google search and saw wrestling images??? after he helped you find the correct images your interest peaked once moreâi mean how could it not???!!the mental image of his big n beefy arms manhandling you in a such a position had the cogs in your brain turning and your pussy dripping with excitement.
âcmon letâs do it now now now!â you squealed tossing your phone to the side. you jumped into nanamiâs buff arms, peppering his jaw and neck in glossy kisses. kento chuckled lowly, giving your plush ass a rough squeeze. such an eager little thing you were.
ânow hang on baby i think you should stretch yourself out a little bit before we get started, donât want my sweet thing to get a cramp hm?â he pet your hair softly, looking directly into your eyes to make sure you understood him. you let out a dramatic sigh and nodded, making kento smile at your obedience.
within minutes nanami had you strip down to your panties, knees digging into the plushness of the bed while your hands laid folded in your lap. âdonât look so serious little dove, we can have a little fun while we do it,â he chuckled, running his thumb over your bottom lip, pulling the digit away when he saw you tried to suckle on it.
nanami pecked you on the lips three times before slowly pushing you back, slipping your panties off once your back was to the mattress. he took this opportunity to admire your body in its most vulnerable state. he looked at every curve, every scar, every stretch mark with so much love in his eyes it made your eyes glassy. âyouâre so beautifulâŚ.most beautiful woman i ever laid eyes on. god could strike me down right now and iâd be happy with this being the last thing i see,â he ran his tongue over his bottom lip, running his surprisingly soft hands up your thick thighs.
he slowly trailed his hands to the back of your knees, pushing them up to your chest. âfuck would you look at thatâŚ.already soaking for me,â kento pushed his thumb between your soaked folds, covering the digit in your essence before bringing it to his watering mouth.
âalright mâgonna push your legs back a little more okay?â he waited until you verbally answered him before pushing your knees back until they were practically touching your ears. in all honesty nanami knew this shit was light work for you and he could manhandle you into any position he wanted with easeâhe just wanted an excuse to eat your pussy hehe.
nanami couched down, spreading your pussy lips with his thumbs before spitting on your swollen clit. you gasped, clenching around nothing as he spit on your pussy once more. âhow you doinâ up there gorgeous?â nanami spoke softly, chuckling lowly at the way you tried bucking your pussy into his face.
âsâeasy babe! i can handle it just please do somethingggg!â you whined, kicking your feet in the most precious way possible. without a word nanami wrapped his lips around your clit, humming at the sweet yet tangy taste that is you. âoh! f-fuck kento,â you mewled, bringing your hand down to mess up his perfectly styled blonde locks. nanami slapped your hand away, grunting against your pussy as a way to tell you to keep your hands to yourself.
thatâs how you both stayedânanami on his knees devouring your drooling pussy while you held your legs back with shaky hands. âd-do it side to side againâŚyeah like th-that! oh myâ!â you were cut off by kento swiping his tongue side to side with vigor, your legs beginning to shake, signaling your nearing orgasm.
âso fuckinâ sweet,â nanami growled, gripping onto the soft flesh of your ass cheeks before maneuvering your body up and down on his tongue. for such a prim and polished man he sure was a messy fucking eater.
the slurping noises coming from below you wouldâve disgusted anyone but you personally?? oh it was your favorite. the only time nanami really lost himself was when his head was between your thighs, so you made sure to cherish every sloppy lick, slurp, and glob of spit he gave to your soaked pussy.
âi-iâm cumminggg,â you threw your head back in pure bliss as your orgasm washed over you, wave after wave of cumming hitting kentoâs awaiting tongue. nanami lapped at your pussy a few more times, giving your clit a cheeky little suck before letting go with a pop!
nanami cleared his throat and stood up, loosening the tie on his neck. âyou ready for me?â he asked, squeezing his achingly hard dick through his slacks. if you looked close enough you could see the tiniest wet patch where his tip was.
you made quick work to sit up and undo his belt, your mouth watering at the thought of sucking him off before he ravaged you. âslow down honey sâno rush yeah?â he cooed down at you, taking your face in his hands. you nodded slowly, tossing his belt to the side and undoing the zipper. âlemmeâŚ.lemme suck you off a little please? need it kento,â you pouted, nuzzling your face into his toned stomach. nanami smiled down at you and brought his hand to your face, smushing your cheeks together before giving you a very sloppy kiss.
âlater darling i canât wait to be inside you another minute,â he gave your lips another kiss, smoothening the furrow in your brows with his thumb.
a few minutes laterâŚ.
âready for me my love?â nanami grunted, slapping the tip of his cock against your pussy. your back was snugly pressed against him while his strong arms held the backs of your knees up. ây-yes kento mâready for you,â nanami wasted no time lifting your body until his tip was poking at your entrance, hissing at just how fucking wet you were. you both moaned in unison as he slowly sunk you down on his cock.
âf-fuck sweetheart you gotta ease up. cmon ease that pretty pussy up for me,â he took advantage of your exposed neck and began to kiss and suck on the most sensitive parts making you whine. he encouragement worked like a charm and soon he was almost entirely inside you. âyeahâŚyeah there we go,â you squeaked when nanami slammed body down, finally filling you to the brim. fuck you felt so warm and tight around him there was no way heâd last long.
âd-donât go slow ken, fuck me till i pass out pleaseeee i need it,â you cried, clenching around him. nanami hissed and without another word began a brutal pace, the sheer roughness taking you aback. âyessss f-fuck kenny!â you squealed, your head falling back on his shoulder. in this position the tip of his cock repeatedly hit that spongy spot inside you that had you seeing stars. your wetness already began to soak both of your guysâ thighs, a sharp slapping sound echoing throughout the room from it.
âoh i know baby i know. feels good yeah? tight little pussy is fucking soaking us, you hear that?â he breathlessly chuckled, referring to the slapping noises your thighs were making. âuh huh! uh huh! i hear it kenny,â you whimpered, trying your absolute hardest not to start drooling.
kento securely held both of your legs in one of his arms while the other gripped your chin, forcing you took look at him. you stuck out your tongue the tiniest bit making him chuckle, âgimme a kiss baby.â he sucked your tongue into his mouth making your eyes roll back. you loved when he did that. nanamiâs sloppy, tongue filled kisses were your personal drug of choice. the way he made you feel every ounce of love and want in just a single kiss made your head spin and your pussy throb.
âsâgood ken youâre so strong. so. fucking. stronggg.â ken thrusted up a tad rougher towards the end of your sentence, his head inflated beyond belief. your praise was making his head spin, he had to give you the most earth shattering orgasm youâve ever hadâhe had to.
he adjusted your position to where both of your legs were hanging over his arms once more, both of his hands now clasped behind your head. âready pretty baby?â he huffed out, chuckling when the only noise you let out was a loud moan.
you didnât know it was possible to be fucked completely braindead yet here you were, eyes rolled back and not a thought in your mind as kento brutally thrusted up into you. he could only imagine how full your pussy mustâve looked, god the thought had his balls tightening.
âken! ken! ken! kenny!â you chanted his name like a prayer, your pussy now squelching each time his fucked up into you. nanami tightened his hands around your head (not too tight though ofc) and forced your head to look down, giving you a delicious view of his soaked cock spearing into your puffy pussy. âwe *hiccup* look so pretty together kenny, wish you could *hiccup* see,â you sighed dreamily, because it truly was a beautiful sight.
âdonât worry baby i will later, s-see thatâfuck! see my phone? hm?â he slowed his pace, and loosened his grip on your head allowing you to look up and see that his phone was indeed propped up recording the entire thing. you smiled and bit your lip, now excited for when you both watch the video together which will probably lead to him having you like this again hehe.
ârub your clit my love, cmon make yourself cum on your husbands cockâyeahhhh thatâs it honey there you fucking go,â nanami growled in pleasure as your pussy squeezed him like a vice. his dick was getting wetter either each thrust inside you until he accidentally slipped out making you whine very loudly. âi got it baby i got it,â he huffed and slammed you right back down on his cock, making your eyes cross. âyes yes y-yes fuck, so good kenny please cum in me,â you cried, digging your nails into his toned thighs.
nanami growled removing his hands from your head to spread thighs as wide as possible, one hand toying sloppily with your clit while the other found purchase on your neck. âiâm gonna cum babyâright inside this tight little pussy, and youâre gonna take all of it like my good little wife arenât you?â his hand began to slap your clit, making a broken moan slip past your swollen lips. âyesss kenny mâgonna take it all i promise!â you cried, aching to feel the warmth of his cum inside you.
âfuck fuck fuck goddammit,â kento let out a guttural moan right in your ear, his cock throbbing as he pumped his cum into you. there was so much. so much it began to slip down his cock and onto the bed. he was about to pull out but you quickly stopped him, wanting to stay like this for just a little while longer. âcan i at least turn you around so i can look at you?â he hummed , giving your shoulder a gentle kiss.
you nodded and nanami slowly pulled out making you whimper before turning your body so you were facing him. he pulled you tightly against his chest mumbling praises on top of praises in your ear while he carefully pushed himself back inside you, moaning softly.
âso howâd you like it my love,â he grinned nudging your nose with his. you lifted your head up and cradled his face in your hands, pressing your foreheads together. âthat was so. fucking. good. rest up while you can because youâre gonna fuck me like that again tonight!â you giggled, purposely clenching around his now soft cock. kento hissed, squeezing his eyes shut in sensitivity.
heâs probably created an even bigger monster in you but shit he wasnât complaining!!!
btw peaches and coconut!eren fic coming soon!! i just wanted to get this out of my drafts *kiss kiss*
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Googleâs enshittification memos
[Note, 9 October 2023: Google disputes the veracity of this claim, but has declined to provide the exhibits and testimony to support its claims. Read more about this here.]
When I think about how the old, good internet turned into the enshitternet, I imagine a series of small compromises, each seemingly reasonable at the time, each contributing to a cultural norm of making good things worse, and worse, and worse.
Think about Unity President Marc Whitten's nonpology for his company's disastrous rug-pull, in which they declared that everyone who had paid good money to use their tool to make a game would have to keep paying, every time someone downloaded that game:
The most fundamental thing that weâre trying to do is weâre building a sustainable business for Unity. And for us, that means that we do need to have a model that includes some sort of balancing change, including shared success.
https://www.wired.com/story/unity-walks-back-policies-lost-trust/
"Shared success" is code for, "If you use our tool to make money, we should make money too." This is bullshit. It's like saying, "We just want to find a way to share the success of the painters who use our brushes, so every time you sell a painting, we want to tax that sale." Or "Every time you sell a house, the company that made the hammer gets to wet its beak."
And note that they're not talking about shared risk here â no one at Unity is saying, "If you try to make a game with our tools and you lose a million bucks, we're on the hook for ten percent of your losses." This isn't partnership, it's extortion.
How did a company like Unity â which became a market leader by making a tool that understood the needs of game developers and filled them â turn into a protection racket? One bad decision at a time. One rationalization and then another. Slowly, and then all at once.
When I think about this enshittification curve, I often think of Google, a company that had its users' backs for years, which created a genuinely innovative search engine that worked so well it seemed like *magic, a company whose employees often had their pick of jobs, but chose the "don't be evil" gig because that mattered to them.
People make fun of that "don't be evil" motto, but if your key employees took the gig because they didn't want to be evil, and then you ask them to be evil, they might just quit. Hell, they might make a stink on the way out the door, too:
https://theintercept.com/2018/09/13/google-china-search-engine-employee-resigns/
Google is a company whose founders started out by publishing a scientific paper describing their search methodology, in which they said, "Oh, and by the way, ads will inevitably turn your search engine into a pile of shit, so we're gonna stay the fuck away from them":
http://infolab.stanford.edu/pub/papers/google.pdf
Those same founders retained a controlling interest in the company after it went IPO, explaining to investors that they were going to run the business without having their elbows jostled by shortsighted Wall Street assholes, so they could keep it from turning into a pile of shit:
https://abc.xyz/investor/founders-letters/ipo-letter/
And yet, it's turned into a pile of shit. Google search is so bad you might as well ask Jeeves. The company's big plan to fix it? Replace links to webpages with florid paragraphs of chatbot nonsense filled with a supremely confident lies:
https://pluralistic.net/2023/05/14/googles-ai-hype-circle/
How did the company get this bad? In part, this is the "curse of bigness." The company can't grow by attracting new users. When you have 90%+ of the market, there are no new customers to sign up. Hypothetically, they could grow by going into new lines of business, but Google is incapable of making a successful product in-house and also kills most of the products it buys from other, more innovative companies:
https://killedbygoogle.com/
Theoretically, the company could pursue new lines of business in-house, and indeed, the current leaders of companies like Amazon, Microsoft and Apple are all execs who figured out how to get the whole company to do something new, and were elevated to the CEO's office, making each one a billionaire and sealing their place in history.
It is for this very reason that any exec at a large firm who tries to make a business-wide improvement gets immediately and repeatedly knifed by all their colleagues, who correctly reason that if someone else becomes CEO, then they won't become CEO. Machiavelli was an optimist:
https://pluralistic.net/2023/07/28/microincentives-and-enshittification/
With no growth from new customers, and no growth from new businesses, "growth" has to come from squeezing workers (say, laying off 12,000 engineers after a stock buyback that would have paid their salaries for the next 27 years), or business customers (say, by colluding with Facebook to rig the ad market with the Jedi Blue conspiracy), or end-users.
Now, in theory, we might never know exactly what led to the enshittification of Google. In theory, all of compromises, debates and plots could be lost to history. But tech is not an oral culture, it's a written one, and techies write everything down and nothing is ever truly deleted.
Time and again, Big Tech tells on itself. Think of FTX's main conspirators all hanging out in a group chat called "Wirefraud." Amazon naming its program targeting weak, small publishers the "Gazelle Project" ("approach these small publishers the way a cheetah would pursue a sickly gazelleâ). Amazon documenting the fact that users were unknowingly signing up for Prime and getting pissed; then figuring out how to reduce accidental signups, then deciding not to do it because it liked the money too much. Think of Zuck emailing his CFO in the middle of the night to defend his outsized offer to buy Instagram on the basis that users like Insta better and Facebook couldn't compete with them on quality.
It's like every Big Tech schemer has a folder on their desktop called "Mens Rea" filled with files like "Copy_of_Premeditated_Murder.docx":
https://doctorow.medium.com/big-tech-cant-stop-telling-on-itself-f7f0eb6d215a?sk=351f8a54ab8e02d7340620e5eec5024d
Right now, Google's on trial for its sins against antitrust law. It's a hard case to make. To secure a win, the prosecutors at the DoJ Antitrust Division are going to have to prove what was going on in Google execs' minds when the took the actions that led to the company's dominance. They're going to have to show that the company deliberately undertook to harm its users and customers.
Of course, it helps that Google put it all in writing.
Last week, there was a huge kerfuffile over the DoJ's practice of posting its exhibits from the trial to a website each night. This is a totally normal thing to do â a practice that dates back to the Microsoft antitrust trial. But Google pitched a tantrum over this and said that the docs the DoJ were posting would be turned into "clickbait." Which is another way of saying, "the public would find these documents very interesting, and they would be damning to us and our case":
https://www.bigtechontrial.com/p/secrecy-is-systemic
After initially deferring to Google, Judge Amit Mehta finally gave the Justice Department the greenlight to post the document. It's up. It's wild:
https://www.justice.gov/d9/2023-09/416692.pdf
The document is described as "notes for a course on communication" that Google VP for Finance Michael Roszak prepared. Roszak says he can't remember whether he ever gave the presentation, but insists that the remit for the course required him to tell students "things I didn't believe," and that's why the document is "full of hyperbole and exaggeration."
OK.
But here's what the document says: "search advertising is one of the world's greatest business models ever createdâŚillicit businesses (cigarettes or drugs) could rival these economicsâŚ[W]e can mostly ignore the demand sideâŚ(users and queries) and only focus on the supply side of advertisers, ad formats and sales."
It goes on to say that this might be changing, and proposes a way to balance the interests of the search and ads teams, which are at odds, with search worrying that ads are pushing them to produce "unnatural search experiences to chase revenue."
"Unnatural search experiences to chase revenue" is a thinly veiled euphemism for the prophetic warnings in that 1998 Pagerank paper: "The goals of the advertising business model do not always correspond to providing quality search to users." Or, more plainly, "ads will turn our search engine into a pile of shit."
And, as Roszak writes, Google is "able to ignore one of the fundamental laws of economicsâŚsupply and demand." That is, the company has become so dominant and cemented its position so thoroughly as the default search engine across every platforms and system that even if it makes its search terrible to goose revenues, users won't leave. As Lily Tomlin put it on SNL: "We don't have to care, we're the phone company."
In the enshittification cycle, companies first lure in users with surpluses â like providing the best search results rather than the most profitable ones â with an eye to locking them in. In Google's case, that lock-in has multiple facets, but the big one is spending billions of dollars â enough to buy a whole Twitter, every single year â to be the default search everywhere.
Google doesn't buy its way to dominance because it has the very best search results and it wants to shield you from inferior competitors. The economically rational case for buying default position is that preventing competition is more profitable than succeeding by outperforming competitors. The best reason to buy the default everywhere is that it lets you lower quality without losing business. You can "ignore the demand side, and only focus on advertisers."
For a lot of people, the analysis stops here. "If you're not paying for the product, you're the product." Google locks in users and sells them to advertisers, who are their co-conspirators in a scheme to screw the rest of us.
But that's not right. For one thing, paying for a product doesn't mean you won't be the product. Apple charges a thousand bucks for an iPhone and then nonconsensually spies on every iOS user in order to target ads to them (and lies about it):
https://pluralistic.net/2022/11/14/luxury-surveillance/#liar-liar
John Deere charges six figures for its tractors, then runs a grift that blocks farmers from fixing their own machines, and then uses their control over repair to silence farmers who complain about it:
https://pluralistic.net/2022/05/31/dealers-choice/#be-a-shame-if-something-were-to-happen-to-it
Fair treatment from a corporation isn't a loyalty program that you earn by through sufficient spending. Companies that can sell you out, will sell you out, and then cry victim, insisting that they were only doing their fiduciary duty for their sacred shareholders. Companies are disciplined by fear of competition, regulation or â in the case of tech platforms â customers seizing the means of computation and installing ad-blockers, alternative clients, multiprotocol readers, etc:
https://doctorow.medium.com/an-audacious-plan-to-halt-the-internets-enshittification-and-throw-it-into-reverse-3cc01e7e4604?sk=85b3f5f7d051804521c3411711f0b554
Which is where the next stage of enshittification comes in: when the platform withdraws the surplus it had allocated to lure in â and then lock in â business customers (like advertisers) and reallocate it to the platform's shareholders.
For Google, there are several rackets that let it screw over advertisers as well as searchers (the advertisers are paying for the product, and they're also the product). Some of those rackets are well-known, like Jedi Blue, the market-rigging conspiracy that Google and Facebook colluded on:
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jedi_Blue
But thanks to the antitrust trial, we're learning about more of these. Megan Gray â ex-FTC, ex-DuckDuckGo â was in the courtroom last week when evidence was presented on Google execs' panic over a decline in "ad generating searches" and the sleazy gimmick they came up with to address it: manipulating the "semantic matching" on user queries:
https://www.wired.com/story/google-antitrust-lawsuit-search-results/
When you send a query to Google, it expands that query with terms that are similar â for example, if you search on "Weds" it might also search for "Wednesday." In the slides shown in the Google trial, we learned about another kind of semantic matching that Google performed, this one intended to turn your search results into "a twisted shopping mall you canât escape."
Here's how that worked: when you ran a query like "children's clothing," Google secretly appended the brand name of a kids' clothing manufacturer to the query. This, in turn, triggered a ton of ads â because rival brands will have bought ads against their competitors' name (like Pepsi buying ads that are shown over queries for Coke).
Here we see surpluses being taken away from both end-users and business customers â that is, searchers and advertisers. For searchers, it doesn't matter how much you refine your query, you're still going to get crummy search results because there's an unkillable, hidden search term stuck to your query, like a piece of shit that Google keeps sticking to the sole of your shoe.
But for advertisers, this is also a scam. They're paying to be matched to users who search on a brand name, and you didn't search on that brand name. It's especially bad for the company whose name has been appended to your search, because Google has a protection racket where the company that matches your search has to pay extra in order to show up overtop of rivals who are worse matches. Both the matching company and those rivals have given Google a credit-card that Google gets to bill every time a user searches on the company's name, and Google is just running fraudulent charges through those cards.
And, of course, Google put this in writing. I mean, of course they did. As we learned from the documentary The Incredibles, supervillains can't stop themselves from monologuing, and in big, sprawling monopolists, these monologues have to transmitted electronically â and often indelibly â to far-flung co-cabalists.
As Gray points out, this is an incredibly blunt enshittification technique: "it hadnât even occurred to me that Google just flat out deletes queries and replaces them with ones that monetize better." We don't know how long Google did this for or how frequently this bait-and-switch was deployed.
But if this is a blunt way of Google smashing its fist down on the scales that balance search quality against ad revenues, there's plenty of subtler ways the company could sneak a thumb on there. A Google exec at the trial rhapsodized about his company's "contract with the user" to deliver an "honest results policy," but given how bad Google search is these days, we're left to either believe he's lying or that Google sucks at search.
The paper trail offers a tantalizing look at how a company went from doing something that was so good it felt like a magic trick to being "able to ignore one of the fundamental laws of economicsâŚsupply and demand," able to "ignore the demand sideâŚ(users and queries) and only focus on the supply side of advertisers."
What's more, this is a system where everyone loses (except for Google): this isn't a grift run by Google and advertisers on users â it's a grift Google runs on everyone.
If you'd like an essay-formatted version of this post to read or share, here's a link to it on pluralistic.net, my surveillance-free, ad-free, tracker-free blog:
https://pluralistic.net/2023/10/03/not-feeling-lucky/#fundamental-laws-of-economics
My next novel is The Lost Cause, a hopeful novel of the climate emergency. Amazon won't sell the audiobook, so I made my own and I'm pre-selling it on Kickstarter!
#pluralistic#enshittification#semantic matching#google#antitrust#trustbusting#transparency#fatfingers#serp#the algorithm#telling on yourself
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tough cookie (with a gooey center)
childhood bestfriend!bakugou katsuki x reader
junior high to u.a.!bkg, bkg has a soft spot for reader, fluff (sfw)
part 1/3 of the cookie craving collection (completed)
more cookies for you? part 2 đŞ part 3
bakugou has always been tough.
your first meeting with him in junior high floored you, literally.
you were running late to your next lesson, darting through the school hallways with your books and notes hugged against your chest. you turn the corner into your classroom, and BAM!
you ran into the wall, headfirst. the sheer, brunt impact of the bump had you falling onto the floor with an âoof!â. your notes fell to the ground in a flurry of pages, and you winced as one of your books fell right on its corner, gosh, that dent is gonna be there foreverâ
âwatch where youâre goinâ, idiot!â
you looked up from where you sat on the ground, only to see bakugou standing in front of you, arms crossed. even as a kid, bakugou had quite the scowl.
âyou watch where youâre going!â you retorted, crossing your arms right back at him. âyouâre so big, blocking the doorway like that!â
âhah? the fuck are ya tryna say?â
âthat youâre really strong, moron!â you started picking up your notes, frowning at how crumpled they were. âi thought i hit a damn wallâŚâ you muttered quietly under your breath. if bakugou heard you, he didnât respond.
as you move to stand up, you lose your balance a little, and you trip forwards slightly. bakugou quickly catches you with a hand on your shoulder. the gesture catches you off-guard.
âyouâre clumsy as shit,â bakugou grunts, steadying you with his hand. he continues holding your shoulder, even after youâve regained your footing.
âwell, sorry âbout that,â you grumbled. bakugou raises an eyebrow at you. âthanks,â you say begrudgingly.
bakugou only grunts in response, his hand dropping from your shoulder, before he walks past you and into the hallway. you walk into class and made your way to your seat, ignoring the stares of curious classmates.
after class, you were surprised to see bakugou standing outside the classroom, leaning against the wall with his hands shoved in his pockets â if you googled âhigh school delinquentâ, bakugou would probably be up there in the search results.
his eyes were narrowed, watching your classmates angrily as they made their way out of the classroom. then, his eyes met yours, and his scowl only deepened. you met his piercing gaze challengingly. you didnât know what bakugou wanted from you, and you were 1000% sure that he could absolutely obliterate you â with his fists or with his quirk, you just prayed he wouldnât use both on you.
but mama didnât raise no pussy. there was no way you were going down without a fight; you were going to face bakugou head-on.
instead of challenging you to a brawl, bakugou tugs the strap of your backpack, hard. the action has you so surprised, and you let out an unintelligent squawk of indignation as your backpack slips from your shoulder (damn your bad habit of always carrying your backpack on one shoulder instead of two). your life flashes before your eyes, and you think bakugou is about to clock you in the head with your backpack, or worse, beat you up, and stuff you inside itâ
bakugou slips your backpack onto one of his shoulders, turns around and walks away without a word, leaving you gawking.
âyour legs broken?â bakugou says loudly, still walking off with your backpack. you chase after him, hitting his shoulder and demanding him to give you your damn backpack.
that day, bakugou walks you home, carrying your backpack the whole way.
you had wondered if maybe, just maybe, bakugou had felt the slightest twinge of guilt for knocking you over in the doorway (though to be honest, you did most of the knocking over yourself, since you were the one who ran into him). maybe the sight of you on the floor was so pathetic, that he felt the need to make things up to you??
bakugou dumps your backpack at your feet once you reach your doorstep. you blink, and heâs already walking off, presumably in the direction of his own home.
âdamn you, bakugou,â you grumbled, bending down to grab your backpack. âthanks, asshole!â
you continue standing by your doorstep, watching bakugou intently, as if staring at his back would somehow answer all the questions swimming in your mind. you only enter your house after he finally disappears from your sight.
ever since then, bakugou started appearing outside your classroom after school, and heâd do the exact same thing â steal your backpack, and ignore your attempts to steal it back from him on the way back to your home. you didnât quite understand why, and neither did your classmates, if their bewildered stares and hushed whispers in the hallways were anything to go by.
after a week of bakugou walking you home, you had gotten used to his⌠distinct personality. you werenât surprised to see bakugou waiting for you after school anymore; you started looking for him through the class window, smiling when you saw him storming down the hallway, his usual annoyed expression on his face, and stopping outside your classroom.
then, instead of calling him a âpesky thiefâ when he took your bag from you, you started purposefully taking out a few books from your bag on days where you felt your bag was heavier (you were certain bakugou would have absolutely no problem carrying your bag, no matter the weight, but still).
youâd grown to like having bakugou around. you liked bakugou, and his brooding demeanour, his typically foul mood, his snarky insults, but most of all, his soft spot for you.
one day, on your way back home together, you found yourself getting lost in your own thoughts.
âya lose your tongue or somethinâ?â bakugou nudges you in the side gently with an elbow, and you snap out of your thoughts. âyouâre quiet today.â
you smile. bakugou was so observant.
âthe hell are you smilinâ at, idiot?â bakugou looks at you like youâve grown two heads when you start to giggle uncontrollably. âthe fuck? you good?â the genuine concern laced in his voice makes you laugh even harder.
âiâm good, iâm good!â you pause in your steps, and bakugou stops next to you too, looking at you expectantly.
you turn to him, beaming. âyouâre my best friend, katsuki!â
bakugouâsâ no, katsukiâs eyes widen as he takes in your words. back then, you didnât realise the true weight of your words. katsukiâs been called many things â a smartass, bully, asshole. was someone like him even capable of being considered a friend? much less a best friend? katsuki doesnât think so.
but looking down at you beaming up at him, katsuki starts to hope.
katsuki rolls his eyes at you and grabs your wrist, pulling you along as he grumbles about how youâre so damn weird and so annoyinâ sometimes.
you donât miss the light flush that spreads from the tips of his ears to his neck, or how the hand around your wrist is slightly damp with sweat.
when you reach your doorstep, katsuki (instead of throwing down your backpack) gently slips the strap off his shoulder and onto yours. you feel a hand on top of your head, ruffling your hair slightly.
you look up, but katsukiâs looking pointedly to the side, lips tugged in a faint scowl, and you decide to let him off the hook; you wonât tease him, not when heâs being this openly affectionate towards youâŚ
just kidding!
âawww,â you coo, wrapping your arms around katsukiâs neck to pull him down into a loose hug. âdonât worry, i love you too, katsuki!â
âhaaah??? shut the hellââ
âlook at you! youâre blushing, how cute!â
âiâll fucking kill you, you piece ofââ
after graduating junior high, you and katsuki remained inseparable, joined at the hip. he went to u.a., and youâd be lying if you said that that wasnât why you applied to u.a.âs support course.
âkatsuki, i got accepted!!â you jump into katsuki, who catches you in his arms easily.
ââcourse ya did,â katsuki squeezes his arms around you, and you giggle. âtold ya weâd go together, didnât i?â
you wrap yourself around katsuki like a koala to a tree. katsuki holds you safely in his arms.
âcan i be your sidekick, number one hero? pleaaaaase?â you ask sweetly, but you already know his answer.
katsuki smiles happily at you.
âyouâre my number one sidekick, sweets.â
katsuki was tough, but he was soft, just for you <3
BONUS:
âhey, uh, bakubro,â kirishima asks nervously. âwhatâs up with you and that girl from the support course?â
âyeah, yeah!â kaminari chimes in. grinning from cheek to cheek, he whisper-shouts, âsheâs cute! is she single? cuz iâm totally down to mingâ WOAHHHWOAHWOAH!â
katsuki doesnât let him finish, shutting him up with a crackling palm to his face. kaminari jumps backwards with a yelp. kirishima winces as katsuki storms down to hallway, back to his dorm room.
katsuki sighs as he kicks his door open, heâs so tired of their damn bullshitâ
âhey, âsuki!â you chirp happily. youâre sitting on the floor, legs crossed, with one of katsukiâs gauntlets between your legs. âhow was gym?â you ask without looking at him. youâre focused right now, thoroughly but carefully rubbing a bar of polishing wax into the gauntlet. katsuki notices how the other gauntlet resting next to your leg is glistening, scuffs and scratches gone.
ââsuki?â you look up when you realise katsukiâs still standing there in the doorway, wordlessly.
katsuki stares at you blankly.
âbe my girlfriend.â
the things i would do for a chewy cookie rn oh my dayssssss (itâs 1.55am) (my throat is getting worse)
taglist (thank you for your support!): @anicaaa67 @maddietries @nemisimp @an-na-bella @valeriyaaak @buggie07
#bakugou katsuki x reader#bakugou x reader#bakugo x reader#bnha bakugou katsuki#bakugou katsuki#mha bakugou#bnha bakugou#bakugou fluff#bakugou headcanons#bakugou imagine#bnha imagines#bnha x reader#bnha headcanons
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sharing the bed with seventeen
how they sleep next to you
seungcheol
tucks you into his side and keeps you there all night
will not let you move, even if you complain that itâs too hot
his dramatic ass will say that heâll die if he canât sleep with you in his arms
pouts at you if you donât go to bed at the same time as him
if you want to stay up later to watch tv heâll stay up with you, falling asleep in your lap on the couch while you watch your show
âbaby, just go to bed without meâ
âi canât get comfortable unless iâm with youâ
jeonghan
a little shit
teases you whenever you want to cuddle up with him
but if you refuse to cuddle him heâll pout until you cave
if you try sleeping away from him heâll pull you over to him and smother you
loves to feel like heâs protecting you
always the big spoon, needs to be holding you instead of the other way around
âcan i be the big spoon tonight?â
ânoâ
âbut-!â
âabsolutely notâ
joshua
loves his personal space
literally cannot fall asleep if heâs touching someone, which he feels bad about
but at least he can sleep next to you!
will try to read you bedtime stories to make up for it
googles âbest bedtime storiesâ and ends up reading you goldilocks and the three bears
âwhy are you reading me a childâs bedtime story?â
âshhh weâre getting to the best partâ
jun
blanket hog
youâll have to sleep with an extra blanket next to your side of the bed so you can pull it on when you wake up in the cold
will claim that heâs not doing anything and youâre just imagining it
even when he hogs all the blankets heâs still searching for your touch
so, you might wake up cold but your hand is warm, engulfed in his
at this point youâve stopped mentioning it to him so he doesnât feel bad
plus the warmth of his hand is enough to show you he loves you
âi didnât steal all the blankets again, did i?â
ânopeâ
hoshi
nuzzles his head in your neck
likes to be as close as possible
literally a baby tiger
so what if he feels safe in your arms? sue him
likes it when you talk about your day or tell him a story, your voice soothes him to sleep
âcan you tell me the one about when you fell off your bike again?â
âhoney, iâve told you that story 10 times alreadyâ
âbut it helps me sleep!â
wonwoo
surprisingly, is the little spoon
heâs sick of having to be so strong, loves being babied by you
gets sad when you go to sleep first, but heâs playing video games deep into the night, so whoâs really to blame here?
but, will feel even worse if you stay up late just for him
âare you ready to sleep yet?â
âjust one more roundâ
âfine, iâm going to sleep without you thenâ
âno, wait!â
jihoon
usually doesn't sleep until very late
is always working on producing and will even spend nights in his studio
when he comes home you're almost always sleeping already, he feels bad that he can't hold you and soothe you to sleep
but he opts for crawling into bed and holding you while you sleep
you'll subconsciously curl up into him, it always makes him smile
you constantly badger him about getting more sleep and he always promises that he will (he won't but he knows it eases your mind)
âwhen did you get back last night?â
ânot too long after you fell asleep, don't worryâ
(he came home after you'd been asleep for 5 hours)
minghao
doesnât tell you that he does/doesnât like cuddling
literally just doesnât give you any information
some days youâll wake up in his arms and then other days youâll wake up about to be kicked off the bed
but, even if you wake up away from him when you try to get out of bed heâll grab your arm and keep you there
âdonât leave meâ
âi was just going to make breakfastâ
âi said donât leave meâ :(
mingyu
smothers you
literally will not let you breathe
claims he needs to hold you to fall asleep, pouts if you donât let him
you can try to put a barrier of pillows between you but you always wake up in a death grip
âyouâre sleeping on the couch until further noticeâ
âi promise i wonât do it again!â
he does it again.
seokmin
cuddle bug â˘
loves being close to you, absolutely obsessed with skinship
genuinely cannot sleep if heâs not holding you which is why itâs so hard for him to get sleep when heâs overseas
plays with your hair while youâre asleep
will not get out of bed without you, so heâll just lay in bed and watch your sleep until you wake up
âhave you been watching me sleep?â
âof course, i could never get bored of your beautyâ
âyouâre a sapâ
âfunny way of acknowledging that iâm madly in love with youâ
seungkwan
big old teddy bear
sleeps peacefully as long as you two are smushed together in any kind of way
big spoon, little spoon, he doesnât care if itâs with you
letâs you play with his hair, plays with your hair
he just loves you so much heâll take whatever he can get
going to bed with you is his favorite time of the day
âkwannie? iâm tired, you ready for bed?â
âalwaysâ
vernon
very specific about how he sleeps
quite literally cannot sleep if heâs cuddling, also says itâs impractical
will link his pinky with yours or grab your hand in his sleep, though
if you wake up and get out of bed before him heâll pout a little bit, he likes spending time in bed with you
your presence next to him is enough, even if you think youâre bothering his routine
âyou sure iâm not messing up your sleep by being here?â
âiâd never not want to be with youâ
dino
wants to be a cuddler but is a kicker
you can fall asleep in each others arms but you will be woken up by him kicking you and pushing you nearly off the bed
youâll try and get back to a normal position with him but he will still kick you, making you grab a pillow and blanket and go sleep in the guest room
heâll wake up to an empty and cold bed and feel absolutely horrible
will rush into your guest room and shake you awake
âdid i do it again? :(â
âdonât worry about it, honeyâ
#seventeen fluff#seventeen imagine#seventeen imagines#seventeen x reader#svt fluff#svt imagine#svt imagines#svt x reader#seventeen scenario#svt scenarios#svt scenario#seventeen scenarios#mingyu x reader#mingyu fluff#scoups x reader#scoups fluff#wonwoo x reader#wonwoo fluff#vernon x reader#vernon fluff#jeonghan x reader#jeonghan fluff
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every dead end street led you straight to me !!!
*ŕŠâŠâ§âË in which no one knows how they're both each other's daylight.
or
for when you find the one you were meant to find all along. Ë ŕźâĄ â・Ë
social media au // f1 drivers x platonic!driver!fem!reader // milo manheim x fem!reader
warnings - language
author's note - i am SO sorry for leaving u all but i had my finals going on and now i am DONE with school i just have my college entrance exams left and then im free free FREEEEEE !!!! i love u all sm thank you <333 i hope u like this !!
âĄ;- ę° Â°instagram ęą
liked by milomanheim, lewishamilton, carmenmmundt and 2,528,519 others
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edit : he says it's baby MAN i disagree âď¸âźď¸
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âĄ;- ę° Â°instagram stories ęą
yourusername added to their close friends' stories
âĄ;- ę° Â°instagram ęą
liked by milomanheim, maxverstappen1, lilymhe and 2,517,986 others
yourusername there are things (inappropriate stuff) i wanna say to u (my BOYFRIEND) but i'll just let u (my COLLEAGUES) live
11,962 comments
username she's so real for this
username speak ur truth queen đŁď¸đŁď¸đŁď¸đŁď¸
username her pr team is trying so HARD like i feel like they don't get paid enough to deal with all this
-> yourusername i'll take that as a compliment thank u
username the power couple and we don't even know who he is
-> username mama y papa
-> username honestly they eat up everyone with these pictures
username hidden and secret and private??? girl really picked out her battles
username LOVE LOVE LOVEEEE this for her
landonorris thank you because i saw what you texted him this morning and osc had to physically stop me from bathing with bleach
-> yourusername why are u acting as if u literally didn't just straight up ask us if we "needed a third"
-> landonorris LIES SHE LIES SHE'S A LIAR
-> oscarpiastri mate the entire paddock was there
-> landonorris details but like..........do u
-> yourusername do we what.
-> landonorris ............need a third
-> mclaren oh hello ! guess who just lost their phone PRIVILEGES
username screaming bc they're already parents
-> username he's an absent father but ok
username babe come home the kids and the cats and the cow and that goat miss u â¤ď¸â¤ď¸â¤ď¸â¤ď¸â¤ď¸â¤ď¸â¤ď¸â¤ď¸â¤ď¸â¤ď¸â¤ď¸â¤ď¸â¤ď¸â¤ď¸
username mother never misses
username lewis WISHES he was her
-> yourusername RIGHTTTT
-> lewishamilton roscoe's godmother privileges REVOKED
username f1 grid will never fail to make to laugh bc what do u mean lando asked y/n and the bf if he needed a third and what do u MEAN that y/n is roscoe's godmother
username live laugh toaster bath sayonara đ
-> username felt this in my bones
milomanheim speak out ur truth queen !!!!!!
-> yourusername i did
-> charles_leclerc is that why he's redder than my car righOH MY GOD PEOPLE CAN SEE YOU
-> yourusername charles LOOK AWAY !!!!!!
-> username no bc
-> username oh
-> username she bout to be yelled at by her manager i can FEEL her anger rn
username that man better know how to fight bc the grid can and WILL come for him if he does something
-> milomanheim i am scared
-> yourusername uh
-> milomanheim for him i mean haha autocorrect
-> username did he just
-> username oh yeah
-> username all that build up and for milo to just
-> username guess who's sleeping on the couch
milomanheim before u say anything
-> yourusername i am SO disappointed rn
-> milomanheim I'M SORRY
-> yourusername :(( i had 3 months of soft/hard launch planned with annotations and notes
-> milomanheim we can still do that!!! anything u want!!!
milomanheim i love u
-> yourusername ok
-> milomanheim girl
-> yourusername wow ok damn i love u more then ig đ
-> milomanheim â¤ď¸
-> username fuck u both STOP RUINING SINGLE PEOPLE'S LIVES
-> username crazy about them
âĄ;- ę° Â°instagram ęą
liked by yourusername, carlossainz55, charles_leclerc and 2,317,637 others
milomanheim something about how taylor swift said every dead end street led u straight to me đ
tagged yourusername
11,628 comments
username I SCREECHED OH MY GOD
username we knew but OH MY GOD THE REVEAL
username and everyone cheered
username roman empire or roman empire
username THAT DOODLE IS SO CUTE WHAT THE FUCK I WILL CRY RN
-> yourusername it's how he won me over
-> milomanheim wait actually
-> yourusername yes đĽ°
-> milomanheim i thought it was me saying PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE till u agreed
-> yourusername that probably sealed the deal đ
-> username i love how he's so "golden retriever" bf and she's "just proud of him in whatever case" gf
-> username truly mom and dad
username i don't wanna hear bitches say love ain't real anymore bc how do u explain THIS
username taylor wrote that song for them trust she told me herself
username WHAT THE FUCK THE LEGO FLOWERS IM CRYING
-> username he set the bar so high it's a dash at this point
username in love with both of them honestly
username crying LOOK AT THEM!!!!!
landonorris how you've both grown up! i still remember the first time she saw you and cried to me about how fucking pretty you are :)
-> milomanheim OHHHH ????
-> yourusername im gonna jump u this weekend WATCH UR FUCKING BACK
-> username nah bc y/n is so real for this
username milo with that drawing is so "what if i told u i'm a mastermind"
-> username NAH HONESTLY
-> username bro prophesied his relationship
username if my relationship isn't like this then i don't want it đđđ
username lord i see how kind u have been to others
username and adding onto my 252719262 reasons we have THIS
username all the love songs in the universe are about them fyi !!!!!!
username AHHSHSHSHDHSJJDJDNX đđđđđđđđđđđđđđđđđâ¤ď¸â¤ď¸â¤ď¸â¤ď¸â¤ď¸â¤ď¸â¤ď¸â¤ď¸â¤ď¸â¤ď¸â¤ď¸â¤ď¸â¤ď¸â¤ď¸â¤ď¸â¤ď¸
yourusername also about how she said i wanna teach u how forever feels
-> milomanheim nah bc u will like where r u gonna go đ¤¨
-> yourusername baby we were having a cute moment there
-> milomanheim BABY đŁď¸đŁď¸đŁď¸đŁď¸âźď¸âźď¸âźď¸âźď¸đŹđŹđŹđŹđ¤đ¤đ¤đ¤đĽđĽđĽđĽđŻđŻđŻđŻ
-> charles_leclerc give him some time he's buffering
-> username something tells me that this is a very regular occurrence
-> oscarpiastri it is
yourusername my baby's fit like a daydream
-> milomanheim đŁď¸đŁď¸đŁď¸đŁď¸â¤ď¸â¤ď¸â¤ď¸â¤ď¸âźď¸âźď¸âźď¸âźď¸đĽđĽđĽđĽđŻđŻđŻđŻđĽ°đĽ°đĽ°đĽ°âď¸âď¸âď¸âď¸âď¸
-> username what is happening
-> oscarpiastri just give him some time
yourusername not to be a hopeful romantic loser on the main but i find u in every love song i listen to so yea
-> milomanheim look at u being nice for once
-> yourusername boy i will block u
yourusername love u
-> milomanheim who love me
-> yourusername *i* love you
-> milomanheim ilyt
-> username NO HE DID NOT đđđ
-> username bro needs to learn how to hesitate
âĄ;- ę° Â°instagram ęą
liked by milomanheim, francisca.cgomes, alexandrasaintmleux and 2,785,159 others
yourusername if the whole world was watching i'd still dance with u
tagged milomanheim
12,628 comments
username GOODBYE
username this post right here your honour
username the way i teleported to the railway track
username SCREAMING SJSJTRBCUCJ
username pls block me b4 posting happy stuff (im so happy i cry)
landonorris you can't even order on your own sir DOWN
-> yourusername FUCK UUUUU OMG
username i just ascended to the pearly gates
username DRIVE HIGHWAYS AND BYWAYS TO BE THERE WITH U
-> username OVER AND OVER THE ONLY TRUTH
-> username EVERYTHING COMES BACK TO YOU
-> username i shed tears
username they're literally winning in life BOTH OF THEM
username NOT HIM PEELING ORANGES FOR HER IM GONNA SCREAM
username the orange theory is true and it's real because y/n and milo just proved it argue with air
username is no one gonna talk about how his name is saved as "mylo(ve) <3333"
-> username i had to take SEVERAL deep breaths so as to not break down in front of my family
-> username no one's doing it like them
username IN A WORLD OF BOYS HE'S A GENTLEMAN
*liked by yourusername*
lilymhe with me obviously đ
-> yourusername obviously
-> milomanheim đ§
-> alex_albon đ§
username if he doesn't stand outside my window with a sign asking when can he see me HE IS NOT THE ONE
-> username FRRRRR like stopâźď¸settlingâźď¸forâźď¸lessâźď¸
username going crazy over these photos like there's SO MUCH content
username y/n feeding us those milo crumbs
-> username nah she gave us whole PLATES with utensils and all âď¸âď¸âď¸
username i truly cannot wait for milo to be in her garage bc we all know that they're stupidly in love with each other and watching them giggling and smiling and laughing will be much more entertaining than racing
-> username nah bc bro doesn't know how to function with her around
-> username i don't even blame him bc that's Y/N Y/L/N
charles_leclerc how is this relationship gonna work when none of you has the guts to go and say that they got your order wrong
-> yourusername ur saying this as if alex hasn't been the one to go up and say that u asked for no pickles
-> charles_leclerc that was classified information
-> yourusername not anymore đ¤
username i live for y/n terrorizing the grid fueled by nothing but coffee and/or spite
username they're soooooooooooo disgusting im just gonna cry in a corner bc i do not have someone to peel my oranges for me and i have to do it myself like a common peasant
milomanheim i would peel oranges for u forever dw baby i got u đđđ
-> yourusername this is so sweet i cried stfu
milomanheim cannot believe i get to tell everyone ur my gf like OH MY GOD đđđ
-> yourusername bf
-> milomanheim gf
-> landonorris bf AND gf ?
-> yourusername STOP ASKING
milomanheim wdym i cannot love u more than life itself đđđđđ lies bc i do love u more than life itself
-> yourusername i would sacrifice max for u
-> milomanheim doesn't mean that much bc i know u would sacrifice him for a juice box
-> maxverstappen1 OH REALLLLLLLLY
milomanheim angel đ
-> yourusername no u
milomanheim u make me feel all golden like daylight
-> yourusername u make me feel all i like shiny things but i'd marry u with paper rings
-> username bye y'all this was fun
-> username brb i need to test if my toaster is waterproof or not
#f1 x reader#f1 x female reader#f1 imagines#social media au#fake instagram imagines#charles leclerc x reader#lewis hamilton x reader#lando norris x reader#oscar piastri x reader#f1 x platonic!reader#f1 x y/n#f1 x you#f1 smau#f1 social media au#f1 instagram au#f1 imagine#f1 grid x reader#f1 x female driver
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ę¤ đ¤đ˘đ§đ¤đđ¨đđđŤ 'đđ - đđđ˛ đ ę¤
Hwang Hyunjin x fem!reader: bondage kink
summary: You decided to snoop around your boyfriend's Amazon wishlist, trying to find the perfect gift for your first month anniversary. You couldn't believe what he had saved.
warnings: smut, shibari use, bondage (duh), hyunjin being a cutie and hot at the same time
word count: 2.1k
kinktober masterlist // masterlist // ko-fi
You and Hyunjin were only one week away from your first month anniversary and you were very excited and nervous at the same time.Â
It had been your dream when Hyunjin finally got the courage to ask you out on a date. You had felt on top of the world, feeling like it was a freaking dream. He took you to a nice fancy restaurant, complimented you the entire night and then took you out on two more before finally asking you to be his girlfriend.Â
It was recent, very new, and you still didnât know him a hundred percent, so you werenât really sure what to get him.Â
A first month anniversary was a huge deal for you, and you didnât want to disappoint him in the slightest. You knew he had a lot of money, so he could really buy anything he wanted.Â
You thought you could buy him a camera, but literally the day you searched for the one you knew he wanted, he purchased it himself. You also thought about taking him out on a date yourself, but you knew he wouldnât let you pay, and you honestly thought the idea was pretty lame and basic. He did that for you every single week, it wasn't that special.Â
An idea popped into your head.
Maybe you could sneak into his computer and lurk around his amazon wish list or something. You knew every inch of his house and belongings, so you could easily know what he owned or not.
You grabbed his computer and sat on the bed with an excited sigh.Â
You put the password and quickly opened google, typing amazon. Thankfully, the page immediately opened in his logged account, so you clicked on the wishlist button and carefully started looking for future gifts.Â
A Fender Stratocaster electric guitar⌠no, thatâs way too expensive. You were not even half as wealthy as he was, and besides, he had two guitars already. He didnât need a third one.Â
A painting brush set⌠it could be. Hyunjin really needed new brushes, so you wrote them down as possible options for gifts.Â
A vinyl record from the band he had recently started listening to⌠you got that for him for his birthday when you werenât together yet, it wasnât that special either. You had to be original.Â
Shibari ropes⌠wait.
Hold up.
Shibari ropes?
In his wishlist?
Was this something he was willing to try?Â
You bit your lip at the thought of trying that with Hyunjin. You couldnât stop thinking about him tying you up and letting him use you the way he wanted. You wouldnât have ever thought that your boyfriend was into that kinky shit, but here you are.Â
You sent the link of the shibari ropes he had put on favorites via airdrop and quickly closed the window, deleting the history search just in case he saw it and discovered your gift.Â
The ropes were a tiny bit expensive, but you knew they were totally gonna be worth it.Â
The week of the anniversary rolled faster than you thought and you were getting anxious by the minute. You started having second thoughts. What if he thought you were a fucking weirdo for buying the ropes, or even worse, what if he realised you went into his wishlist and broke up with you because he thought you were-
Okay, relax, you thought to yourself.
After the date he had taken you on, he took you back home and sat you on the bed, ready to give you the gift he had gotten for you.
âI really hope you like thisâ he said and grabbed a box from the closet that was hidden by his clothes.Â
You bit your lip and opened it, taking the box that was inside.Â
Once you opened the box, you gasped when you saw the two necklaces, one with your initial, and the other one with Hyunjinâs.Â
âI wanted to have your initial around my neck, and my initial around your neckâ he smiled. âI hope you donât think itâs weird, I just thought it-â he started rambling but you cut him short by kissing him deeply.
His breath hitched in surprise, but he was quick to grab your waist and pull your body closer to his.
You pulled away and then, pressed a peck to his lips. âI love it, Hyuneâ you giggled. âAnd I love youâ
It was the first time saying those three words to him.
His face broke out into the most heart crushing and wonderful smile you have ever seen. âGod, I love youâ he said and kissed you, making you fall back on the bed with a giggle, tangled in his arms.
When you felt the kiss getting a little way too hot, you pulled away, remembering he gift you had bought.
âI- I uh⌠I have a gift for you as wellâ you said and bit your lip, chewing on it.
Hyunjin let out a smirk. âOkayâŚâ he giggled.
You quickly sat up on the bed and walked towards your bags. You grabbed a box and sighed.
This is it.
You handed it to him, and he didnât miss the look on your face, noticing the way you were nervous about it.Â
âItâs okay if you find it⌠um⌠weird, and shitâ you mumbled as he carefully took the lid of the box out.Â
His eyes visibly widened when he saw the bright red ropes laying on the inside of the box.Â
âYou- Y/N⌠howâŚ?â he started stammering like a child and you couldnât help but chuckle.Â
âI- okay, I didnât know what to get you so I went into your wishlist on amazon and I found that you had these there in your favorites. And I- well, I thought you were into it- themâ you said, nervously.
Hyunjin took them out and his fingers caressed the rope. âYou want me to tie you up with these?â he asked, and you noticed the huskiness in his voice.
He wanted this.
You nodded slowly. âYeahâŚâ
âBecause you discovered I had a thing for it⌠or because you want me to?â he asked, trying to check if he had full consent from you on this one, or you were just trying to please him.Â
You smiled, realising the implying in his words. âBoth things, Hyune. Because you have a thing for it, and well, I want to try it as well, you know?â you said, licking your lips.Â
âFuck, get naked. Right the fuck nowâ he said, standing up from the bed and almost ripping his shirt off from the eagerness he felt.Â
Your eyes widened and then you saw the way he was dead serious about it.
You stood up shakily on your legs and slowly took off your dress, letting it slide over your body and pool on your feet.Â
You stood in your underwear and his eyebrows arched, a sign that he wanted those two remaining garments off as well. You hooked your pointer finger on the side of your panties and slid them down, kicking them further away and then your hands went behind your back, unclipping your bra and throwing it away.Â
Hyunjin grabbed the ropes and held two fingers up, curling them in a come here movement.Â
You walked towards him and let him wrap you up in the red ropes, tying them all over your body, till you could no longer move by yourself.
He grabbed you and deposited you on the bed.
His cock got impossibly hard at the state he had you in, all tied up and helpless. Hyunjin had you exactly how he wanted. You squirmed in your place, with a whine, trying to get him to do something.
âHyunjinâŚâ you whispered, your eyes getting teary already.
He chuckled and placed two hands next to your head. âI havenât done anything yet, baby, and youâre getting pouty on me alreadyâŚâ
His hands went to his belt, unbuckling it and throwing his jeans away, standing only in a pair of boxers that sit too tight on his hips due to his raging hard on.Â
His fingers swept over your core, teeth digging into his lips when he found you wet and ready for him. Â
âNo⌠no fingers, I just want your cock, Hyuneâ you moaned.
And how could he resist, really? When you were begging like that for him, so sweetly.Â
He manhandled you so you were on your knees, your face resting on the pillow and your arms were tied behind your back.Â
âDo you remember our safe word, jagi?â he asked you.
You nodded into the pillow and he slapped your ass swiftly, making you jolt and yelp.
âWordsâ he said sternly.
âI do⌠I doâŚâ you whined.
Hyunjin smirked. âGreatâ he stated. Â
Hyunjin took off his boxers, his erection slapping wetly on his stomach. He grabbed his length, pumping it with his hand a couple of times and then guiding it through your pussy lips.Â
You moaned into the pillow once you felt him buried to the hilt, and then his hips started moving torturously slow.Â
He heard you whine and start babbling nonsense against the pillow, making him chuckle. âWhat is it, baby?â he said, continuing his slow pace. âI canât hear youâ
You pushed your cheek into the sheets and let out a cry. âPlease go faster, Hyuneâ you pleaded, tears now rolling down your cheeks.Â
He grabbed you by the ropes that were tying your hands, lifting you up to a kneeling position, making your back hit his chest.
âYou know how hard it makes me to have you all tied up and helpless while you beg for me to fuck you?â he asked you, lust dripping in his tone.Â
You let out a moan when you felt him push his cock deep and fast inside of you, hitting over and over the sweet spot inside of you.Â
He could listen to the headboard hitting against the wall with loud thuds, knowing the members were gonna be fucking angry at him for making so much noise, but he really couldnât give to shits about it.Â
Hyunjin continued thrusting his hips and you moaned brokenly every time he hit the delicious spot. His teeth bit at your neck, leaving a few hickeys to adorn your skin.Â
âI love you, babyâ he whispered. âFuck, you look so good, such a fucking work of artâ he mumbled over your skin, going dumb himself over how well you were taking him. You were so wet and tight, added to the fact that you were making a wet dream of his come true by letting him tie you up, that it made him almost lose control. âFuck, are you close, honey?â
You nodded, unable to form any coherent words or even thoughts. His hand went over your front, finding your clit and rubbing it.Â
You tightened even more around him and he felt your orgasm coat his dick. Once he felt you relax under his hold, meaning you were already spent, he took his cock out from your quivering hold and laid you on the bed, angling your ass up.
He grabbed his cock and started jerking himself off, applying pressure to his base and his thumb rubbing over his tip.Â
The orgasm washed over him, making his legs tremble from the intensity of it. His come came out in spurts over your ass cheeks and he let out a broken moan when he finished, his eyes lingering on the artwork he had made over your ass, feeling himself proud and smug at the sight in front of him.Â
He let out a tired sigh and grabbed the ends of the ropes, prying them off of your body.Â
Hyunjin felt his heart ache when he saw the red lines on your body, from the tightness of them.
âShit, my love, Iâm so sorryâ he said, his hand coming to soothe off the redness.Â
You basked in his touch and smiled. âItâs okay, I liked itâ you said, with a shy giggle.
âOh Iâm fucking sure we both didâ Hyunjin said with a chuckle. âFuck baby, that was so freaking hotâÂ
You hid your face on the pillow, feeling your cheeks grow hot.Â
Hyunjin laughed at your shyness and pet your hair. âI love youâ he confessed once again.
âI love youâ you replied back and eyes his handsome face. âShibari, Hyunjin? Really?â
âStop!â he squealed, making you chuckle.Â
ââ .âŚ
taglist: @annhearttihaehe // @frequentlykit // @alexisfeliz // @jeonginsleftcheek // @minghaosimp // @lixies-favorite-cookie // @yn-x-them // @chrizrizz // @madkati // @starzystay // @pancake-freckle // @velvetmoonlght // @jisunglyricist
i apologize if i can't tag u :(
#stray kids x reader#stray kids#stray kids smut#skz imagines#skz smut#hyunjin#hyunjin skz#hyunjin stray kids#hyunjin x reader#hyunjin smut#hwang hyunjin x reader#hwang hyunjin#hyunjin x you#skz imagine#skz x reader
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âseven days. [ i ]
pairing: max verstappen x manager! reader.
summary: as the third time world champion, max verstappen's manager, you function on the belief that whatever max verstappen wanted, max verstappen shall get. but this time, after four years of working as his manager, you can't give him what he wants anymore and that was to stay.
author's note: not beta-read. not edited. enjoy reading.
masterlist.
You are not surprised when Max Verstappen won the 2023 Formula One season. Given how he dominated each Grand Prix in the season, except Singapore but we don't talk about Singapore, you kind of expected the results already. This is Max's third time winning the WDC title and that makes you the manager of a three-time WDC title holder now. As someone who worked with the guy the last five years, you are immensely proud of Max. Youâve been working as his manager ever since 2019âyou, twenty-three, a fresh graduate of Mechanical Engineering and he, twenty-one, an aspiring world champion but you've known each other since 2018âso you knew better than anyone else, better than Christian Horner even, just how much it took from Max just to reach the place where he is standing right now. Furthermore, Red Bull Racing also won the Constructorâs Championship so everyone in the team cannot be any happier. Celebrations are in order, of course, but you have excused yourself to retire early in the evening instead. Max has asked you why. You replied that you're tired and that's the only truth you can offer him.
You draft your resignation letter whilst everyone at Red Bull is partying in some place else in Abu Dhabi. Good for them honestly. What better way is there to celebrate a victory than with alcohol? Fortunately, there's canned beer on the mini fridge so that's your share of the victory alcohol tonight while you're hunched over your laptop on the couch. Rihanna is playing from your laptop speakers in a Youtube playlist in another Google tab while you work on the letter on a separate Google Docs tab.
Dear ________,
Please accept this letter as my formal resignation from my position as the manager of Red Bull Racing first driver, Max Verstappen, effective seven days from todayâs date, November 26, 2023.
I appreciate the opportunities for growth and development you have provided me during the five years I worked for this amazing team. Leaving is not an easy decision for me but in order to further my career, I have to spread my wings and explore. Please let me know if I can help with anything to make my resignation easier for the company staff.
Thank you, Red Bull, for giving me wings and the courage to fly. Now, I believe it is time for me to soar new skies. I will cherish the time I have spent here in Red Bull Racing.
Sincerely,
[First Name] [Last Name].
You read it over and over again, checking for errors in the spelling or the grammatical structure.
âThank you Red Bull for giving me wings and the courage to flyâŚ.â you mutter. What Red Bull gave you was five decades worth of stress. One decade's worth of stress for each year since you were accepted in the team. âCringy as fuck.â
Your phone abruptly rings and you jump in surprise, dropping your phone and your beer and oh shoot, you almost dropped your laptop, too. You scramble to pick up the canned beer, hissing slightly when you see the liquid form a pool on the tiled floor. Your initial response is to avoid it so you sidestepped and kicked your YSL heels away from the puddle. The heels are previously placed next to your feet neatly but now they're thrown haphazardly on the floor a few meters away. Your eyes quickly search for a towel, or anything you can use to wipe that shit off before it reaches the expensive hotel carpet, but there is no towel in your vicinity and the liquid is moving fast so you take off your Red Bull shirtâhaha, youâre resigning anywaysâleaving you in only your sleeveless undershirt. You throw it on the floor. Then, you crouch down and hurriedly wipe the beer.
Crisis averted! Beer - 0. You - 1. You pick up the call after, already knowing it's from Max even without reading the caller ID because you have set a separate ringtone for him, using that catchy Super Max sound, âHello, [Name] here. Anythinâ I could help?â
Danielâs voice is not something you have expected to hear, not from Maxâs phone anyway, but then again, they should be together right now at the afterparty, âHi [Name], we kind of got ourselves stuck in a situation here.â
Your brows furrow, forehead creasing, âDanny? Somethinâ wrong?â
âIt's Max.â
You stiffen before slowly rising to a stand. Your head begins running at a speed of 300 kilometers per hour, the pace of a Formula One car, coming up with different scenarios where Max is in danger and a list of things you can do to get him out of those situations, âWhat's wrong with Max?â
That's how you found yourself in the middle of the Red Bull afterparty, navigating through the sweaty and drunk Red Bull employees with your eyes actively searching for a tall, broad-shouldered, blond-brown-haired, blue-eyed Dutchman. You find him nearly ten minutes after entering the party, in a corner, on the floor, next to a yellow puddle of disgusting liquid with his head hanging low and the two Alpha Tauri drivers, Daniel and Yuki, standing right beside him. Thank God they did not leave Max.
The fact that they are in a party full of Red Bull employees and none even tried to help Max bothers you greatly. Jesus, what is wrong with these people? You lower yourself in front of him, hand coming up to his nape while the other is on his forearm before gently guiding him away from the vomit pool just in case he accidentally touches on it. If he did, you know you're the one whoâs going to clean him up and frankly, you aren't in the mood for dealing with that. Max follow your hands like it's second nature for him to follow your guidance, leaning into the warmth of your palm.
âWhat happened?â you finally voice the question you've been dying to ask once Max is a good distance away from the pool of vomit. Daniel is the one who answers you, âHe asked for you.â
That doesn't answer your question. Thankfully, Yuki decides to be more helpful, âHe broke up with Kelly this morning.â
Oh.
He raced while shouldering a broken heart and still won? Poor Max. But also, you are not surprised. Not even a bit. It's very much like him to prioritize the race over his feelings because Max Verstappen only wants one thing in the world and that is to emerge victorious at the sport he loved. To prove to the world that he is top one, to prove to Jos Verstappen that he is top one and that he will go down in history as top one and the world shall remember it even after he leaves the F1 racing scene for the young ones.
âThanks, Yuki,â you turn to Daniel and nod. âDanny, Iâll take it from here.â
âAre you sure you don't need help?â
You shake your head and offer a tight-lipped smile. Dealing with a drunk Max is no biggie. You have worked with the guy for five years already, four as his manager. That's over a hundred podiums and defeats and in each defeat and each podium, alcohol and Max become the best of friends. Youâre used to this; cleaning him up, picking him up, tucking him into bed, calling his girlfriend to deal with his drunk ass, and helping him nurse the hangover in the morning with an Advil and a good breakfast.
You roll the sleeves of your champagne-colored button-up to your elbows and in one swift motion, you lift Max in a firemanâs carry. That volunteer work you did at LAFD back when you're still in university paid off in these moments.
It was a comedic sight. A 5â5â woman in heels carrying an almost six foot drunk racer who is at least two times broader than her on her shoulders. The media has already caught a picture of a similar-looking moment one time in 2019 and another in 2021âsuch times are the beginning of those annoying dating rumors that involves you and Maxâand you can say that Twitter is mostly impressed that the Red Bull manager was strong enough to lift a high-performance athlete. Some made memes of it. You'll never admit that you saved some of them, especially the ones that made fun of Max so you could put it above his head. Some even claimed that your YSL heels must be some sort of superhero power up because you do a lot of athletic things in those heels like running through the paddock as if you were just wearing a pair of Nikes, kicking a door down, driving a motorcycle around in Monza to buy Max's morning coffee, and getting in a physical fight with Maxâs anti-fan back in 2022. In theory, you can and will absolutely kill a god in those heels and honestly, it's about time YSL sponsors you because you're giving their Opyum heels so much promotion.
What the public doesn't know is that Max is lighter than he looks and paired with your capability of lifting heavy equipment and people due to your history as a volunteer firefighter, it is incredibly easy to lift him without breaking a sweat and yes, even while wearing heels. People are too easily impressed nowadays.
You ignore the confused stares that are sent your way as you hurriedly walk to the comfort rooms. In a matter of seconds, you are power-walking yourself inside the male comfort room, sending an unimpressed look at the two Red Bull rookie employees making out inside. They are horrified when they see you. You can tell with the way their eyes widened and how they scrambled away from each other and hurriedly fixed themselves while muttering a thousand apologies. You don't even need to say anything. They are out before you could even tell them to.
You lock the door behind you before heading towards the bathroom sink and placing Max there. You put your hands on the back of his head and shoulders to support him until he's leaning against the mirror and sitting fully upright. You wish he won't topple over and accidentally hit his head on the tiles.
âHey, hey,â you tap his cheek. âYou good, Max?â
You sincerely hope he won't pass out. Unconscious people are heavier than conscious people when you lift them.
Procuring a water bottle inside your tote bag, you hand it to him. He accepts it wordlessly and down it in one go. You pull out an extra shirt from your bag, âOff with the shirt, big boy.â
Obediently, Max does what he is told and he peeled his shirt off him. You have to help him midway because he got it stuck around his neck. You toss the stinky shirt somewhere on the sink and hand him the shirt you brought. Again, you help him put it on because drunk Max has seemingly forgotten where the holes of the t-shirt are and which limb should enter a specific hole. Oh wait, that sounds wrong.
âYou're taking good care of me.â
His voice sounds so small when he utters those words that it almost got swallowed up by the silence of the room and the muffled sound of the party outside.
âAren't I always?â
You are paid to take good care of him after all.
âAlways.â
You wet a towel in the sink and squeeze out the excess water in the wool. Your fingers gently cradle Maxâs jaw as you wipe his face. He has a little vomit on his cheek.
You're used to looking at Maxâs face up close but you still cannot help but be amazed by the beauty of it, you know? Some people will not consider Max as a conventionally beautiful man. Different people have different preferences. Honestly, you used to be one of those people. You met Max when he was twenty-one and that time, he looked like a fetus and greatly resembled Sid the sloth from the Ice Age movies. You used to tease him all the time about it, calling him a kid and pulling the age card when he needed to be reigned in or to annoy him until he submits into obedience, when you are only a year older than him. The stress of racing caused Max to age quickly but thankfully, he does not age badly. No, instead Max transitioned into an absolute daddy. Thank God he is more like his mother than his father, too. His motherâs genes saved him. Thank you Sophie!
You would have fallen for him, too, like the gazillion women all around the world who'll fall at his feet, but itâs hard to do so when you know he doesn't even know how to peel his own oranges. Drives a car going 300 kilometers per hour and canât even peel a damn orange.
Twitter is always having a field day when they manage to snap a picture of you peeling oranges for him. Orange Peel Theory or whatever that is. Ludicrous bullshit, to be honest. The only theories you know are the ones taught in Physics class.
âI wonder if you know how much I need you,â he mutter. âI wonder if you can tell.â
âVery poetic,â you say flatly because Max has the tendency to say the most out of pocket yet soul breaking things when he's drunk and you are too tired to rationalize all his musings right now. We love a trauma-dumping king.
âYou talkinâ âbout Kelly?â you ask, brow raising slightly. You continue to clean his face before proceeding to wipe his arms and his hands.
âI don't know.â
âOkay.â
He probably is talking about Kelly anyway.
Now that Kelly is gone, youâre beginning to get worried for Max. Earlier, as you wrote that resignation letter in your hotel room, the worry of leaving Max was not present. He has Kelly after all. Kelly can easily do the things you did for Max, not that she should do the work of a Red Bull manager because honestly, if she plans on taking up your job now, youâll tell her to run and save herself. You mean the support you gave Max. You mean going all-out in protecting Max whether from haters or even his own father and especially his own darkness. You mean standing with him, inside that open cage that he can walk out of anytime but chose not to because Jos Verstappen still had his claws on him. You mean not leaving Max, no matter where he stood, may it be at the top of that glorious podium or at the end of the line. You mean taking care of Max the same way you did, even if he insists that helping him is nothing but rotten work.
But then, she left. Now what?
âI want to tell you something.â
You lift your eyes and met Maxâs glazed blue ones.
âIt is in my will that if I dieââ
âYou're not dyinâ," you cut him off, not even the least bit amused about the idea of Max dying.
âShush,â he playfully glares at you and you roll your eyes, itching to pull that Iâm older than you so don't shush me card just to annoy him. âLet me finish. It is in my will that if I die, my cats will be taken care of by you. Oh come on, stop making that face. You look like you're having an aneurysm.â
âShut up,â you swat his forearm with the damp towel, causing him to laugh at you. âWhyâd you even do that? Give them to your Mom or somethinâ.â
âBut nobody is better at taking care of someone than you,â he says and his voice bled with rawness and honesty and so much sincerity that you're taken aback. âI want someone to take care of them like how you take care of me.â
You blink, mouth slightly agape. What can you even say to that? Thank you? Iâm honored? Dude, what the fuck? Are you confessinâ to me or somethinâ? You doinâ big shit over there by putting me in your will.
Now, youâre even more worried. Who will take care of Max after you're gone? The same way you took care of him?
Nonetheless, on December 13, you submit the resignation letter to Christian Horner. He reads the letter with a deep frown marring his face. It's funny how he had the same expression on his face, too, on the first day you met him when you were applying from Red Bull.
âHave you told Max?â
The guy is sleeping in his hotel bed as you speak and will probably be awake in a few hours with the worldâs shittiest hangover. So no, you have not told him. Not yet, at least.
âNo.â
âHe wouldn't be happy with this.â
You know Max does not bode well with goodbyes, especially from the people he closely worked with leaving Red Bull. Look at what happened with Danny in 2018. Now, it is your turn. Two of his biggest friends in the Red Bull team, leaving in search of careers outside his shadow. Being in Max's shadow..... They are right after all. It is a curse.
While you love Max, platonically of course, being his manager is not what you wanted. You did not suffer through four years in engineering school just to become an errand girl for a racer. This is not what you applied for when you sent that application letter in Red Bull and Renault back when you were twenty-two. Renault didn't have an opening in their engineering team so your future with that team was quickly erased. Red Bull had no opening in their engineering team either but they had an open spot on the team as Daniel Ricciardo's manager for a whole season. You accepted their offer, naturally, hoping that their engineering team will have a place for you soon. When Danny left, you contemplated following him to Renault.
Then, Max told you to not go to Renault because they're a shitty team and perhaps he was right because in that sucky car they had, Daniel barely won podiums, but if Renault would give you the position you wanted and worth your student loans, then you'd take it.
"No, stay."
Demanding little prickly ass, he was, "I will win next year. When I become a world champion, I'll ask Horner to move you to the engineering team."
You did not know why you believed him.
2021âMax became world champion. You hoped he would ask Horner like he told you back in 2018.
2022âMax became world champion again but you're still stuck as his manager. You reminded him of his declaration in 2018. He told you he was already on it. Two rookie engineers entered the team that year, taking the spot that should have been yours years ago and you were stuck wondering if Max was really putting truth on his words.
2023âMax became a third-time world champion and you wouldn't even ask anymore.
âI know," you say, voice barely above a whisper. "I'll deal with it."
"I'll trust that you'll be the one who'll tell him?"
It amuses you how no one wants to deal with Max or drop him the big news. Everyone knew how crazy he could get when Max does not like something. He's a menace. He'll terrorize everyone. You're the only one who could hold the menace down.
"Of course, Sir. Leave it to me."
âAre you transferring teams? Are you still going to stay in Monaco near Max?â
Monaco is not home. Home is desert and heat. Home is Texas.
âNah, goinâ back to Austin.â
Everybody knows Texas was your home, your accent and your manners spoke of it. Some Europeans look down on it, calling you a country bum and a cowgirl mascarading as a sophisticated sidehoe of a champion. Fuck 'em all.
âEveryone in the team is given two weeks off now that weâve won so your resignation is immediately effective of today,â Horner says. âIf the US GP is held at Austin next year, make sure to come by. Max would appreciate it.â
Christian Horner is an asshole but he is at least good to Max and that's what's important.
You get a text from Max an hour later.
him: i feel like shit
him: thanks for the advil and the soup
him: also im flying back to monaco tonight, fly with me
Tonight, you're flying to Monaco with Max Verstappen. Seven days from now, you're flying home alone.
#max verstappen#formula one#formula 1#manager!reader#max verstappen x reader#max verstappen x you#f1 imagines#f1 x reader#f1 fanfic#mv1 x reader#mv33 x reader#mv1#mv33
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one day at a time | jeon wonwoo
SYNOPSIS. in which after tip-toeing beyond the line of friends to lovers, you're suddenly scared to be vulnerable, but your boyfriend is there beside you with every step of the way. PAIRING. jeon wonwoo x gn!reader (ft. a mention of jihoon) GENRE. fluff, comfort, established relationship WARNINGS. reader has a very prominent fear of being vulnerable, mild cursing, one brief kiss, reader is supposedly good at math, wonu being a tease n being just a sweetheart :((, self-indulgent as always oops WORD COUNT. 2.2k
notes: a bday fic w our fav comfort person because the world needs some healing. enjoy <3 there seems to be a recurring theme with all my wonu fics abt... shit like this HAHAH. sorry if it seems repetitive every time lmao
Is it normal to be... scared in a relationship?
Well, according to Google and your endless search history on Quora and Reddit, it is. And while that does sort of help those thoughts in a way, it doesn't thaw the way you're practically tense on top of the couch right nowđWonwoo's couch, specifically.
Your apartment had caught a leak and Wonwoo had offered to be your first line of support, asking you to stay over at his place for the time being. Jihoon, a friend you made in the same apartment as yours and who somehow was not affected by the leak at all, called you out on your antics for asking to stay at his place while you had a whole ass boyfriend to go to instead.
And admittedly, it does seem a bit stupid to not go to Wonwoo at first, even if he did live a good twenty minutes away from you. He still made the drive and now here you aređsitting on his couch, frozen as a rock, because you realise you haven't stayed the night at his place yet ever since you both started dating, and the thought has been scaring you shitless.
You don't expect for anything to happen when you're here; you're just here to stay the night and that's all, right?
"I'm sorry, I should've prepared more if I knew you were coming," Wonwoo says while coming up to you with a glass of water in his hand, offering it to you.
You take it from him gratefully. "It's okay, you didn't know." Then you lower your gaze to the floor, adding on a quiet, "Thank you though."
A small smile crosses over Wonwoo's face as he takes a seat right next to you with a glass of water of his own, the couch dipping slightly from his weight. Nothing but a steady silence engulfs the two of you, except for the hums of the air conditioner that were sending the smallest bits of goosebumps travelling down your skin.
You and Wonwoo have only been dating for a few short months, but have known each other since your high school days. He probably knows you like the lines on the palm of his hand. The familiarity should have made this easier, right?
And yet, sitting here on his couch, you feel like a stranger. It's not that you're uncomfortable with Wonwoo himself. In fact, quite the opposite. You can talk to him for hours, laugh with him easily, but there's a certain intimacy you haven't crossed yet, and the thought of it sends a jolt through you. You've had sleepovers many times when you were friends, but now... this is different.
"You're tense."
You nearly lose your grip on your glass of water at that. "Am I?"
Wonwoo just chuckles faintly, placing his glass on the coffee table.
"Just a little," he says gently, not wanting to make you feel more self-conscious than you already do. "Am I making you nervous?"
There's a pinch of tease behind his words, yet there's also a hint of concern. You steal a glance at him, his eyes a soft, a warm brown that usually makes you feel safe and understood, and a soft smile playing on his lips. But right now, his gaze seems to see right through you, picking you apart piece-by-piece, and it makes a blush creep up your face.
"Just a little," You respond, shy at the way you attempted to mimic his tone. "I'm sorry, I-I know it's stupid. We've had sleepovers before but now it'sđ"
"Different?"
"Yeah," You finish simply. "Different."
"It doesn't have to be that different if you don't want it to be," Wonwoo reassures you, leaning just a tad bit closer to you but not to the point that your limbs are touching. There's a tiny bit of space between the tips of your knees, but it's still close enough to send flutters to the pit of your stomach. "We're still us."
Wonwoo catches a glance at the way you're fiddling with your hands in front of you, a nervous habit you haven't entirely tackled quite just yet. He has the urge to reach over and bring your hand into his, but he doesn'tđnot right now, at least.
"I just... I used to be so talkative with you when we weren't dating," You admit tentatively. "and now, if I say something you'll... I feel like you'll see me differently. I'm just..."
You gaze down at your hands like they held the answer, dry palms pressed together tightly.
"...I'm worried about how vulnerability could⌠affect us now, you know?"
You've been vulnerable with Wonwoo before as friends, like your conversations late at night on a FaceTime call when you confided in each other about your dreams, fears, and bucket list goals. Yet, now that your relationship has shifted, your heart feels more exposed, more prone to being hurt.
The thought of someone holding your heart in their hands feels like leaving it wide open for them to crush.
Wonwoo doesn't respond immediately, instead opting to study you. You feel the way his gaze sweeps over your face, taking in the way your brows furrow and the way your lips are pressed together in a thin line. Then, a slow smile spreads across his lips, one that reaches his eyes and crinkles the corners slightly.
"Then let's start off small." He adjusts himself on the couch, criss-crossing his legs together and scooting just a bit more towards you. The way he fixes his glasses too makes your mind hazy. "Tell me about your day today."
You lift a brow at that. "My day?" Then a frown forms at your mouth. "Don't you already know how my day went?"
Wonwoo hums dreamily, adjusting himself so that he's facing you more directly.Â
"Itâs different when you tell me," he says amusedly. "I like listening to you."
A small, nervous laugh leaves you, feeling the tension in your shoulders dissipating away slightly.Â
"Well, I woke up to that leak," You start, rolling your eyes playfully. "And the whole morning was spent trying to get the landlord. When he finally sent someone over, I was told I shouldnât sleep in the apartment for a few days while they fixed it. So, I panicked a bit, and that's when I, uh, called you, which made me feel⌠a lot better."
Wonwooâs lips curl up at that.Â
"See," he says softly. "You're already doing it. Sharing with me. And I appreciate it. Really."
Thereâs a wave of relief that washes over you, taking away some of the nervous jitters that had settled within you. Taking another sip of water, you place the glass right next to Wonwooâs on the table, before mirroring his position on the couch, the space between the two of you shrinking a little more. The soft glow of the lamp behind him casts a dim glow throughout the room, and the hum of the air conditioner lulls you into a sense of calm.Â
"NowâŚ" Wonwoo pauses for a few seconds to think, and the way his brows furrowed together in concentration makes your heart skip a beat. "Tell me a little fun fact about you."
"A fun fact?" You repeat, a bit taken aback, before crossing your arms together. "You already know pretty much everything about me though."
"Trust me, I donât," Wonwoo claims, the tips of his fingers momentarily brushing against yours that were resting on the cushion of the couch. "And even if I did, I wouldnât get tired of relearning you."
Oh, perhaps you melt a little inside at his words; thereâs a small, inconspicuous nudge to the edges of your heart. It wasnât begging to be let in, but it was gently knocking, as if asking for permission.Â
"Okay," You start. "I can recite the first fifteen numbers of Pi."
Wonwoo snorts at that. "You can?"
"I can! See: Three, point, one, four, one, five, nine, two, six, five, three, five, eight, nineđ"
"Was that why you were so good at algebra back then?"
"I was not good; I was decent."
"Same thing, really."
You scoff playfully, hoping that it would hide how much this praise is getting to you and making your heart stutter even more. You were quite literally ordinary throughout high school, and the same thing could probably be said about Wonwoo. The two of you were simply ordinary, and yet here you are today, sitting together on his couch, sharing a moment that feels nothing short of extraordinary.Â
Wonwoo shifts his position so that his legs are crossed together on the couch and he leans a little closer, the gap between you narrowing further. His fingers brush lightly against yours again, a subtle touch that sends some goosebumps running down your body.Â
"Can I hold your hand?"
The question is straightforward, simple even. Yet the simplicity of it makes your breath hitch in your throat. You meet Wonwoo's warm gaze, noticing the slight anticipation in his eyes, and your heart skips a beat.
So, you simply hold your hand out to him, and he takes it in his own, grip tender yet firm. And then he chuckles.Â
For a moment, you want to take your hand away, but the way heâs holding itđall gently and preciously, eyes examining over it like itâs some delicate treasuređwell, youâd feel like a fool if you did that. His chuckle is soft, almost a whisper, and it feels like itâs wrapping around you like a hug.
"Whatâs so funny?" You ask him.
Wonwoo tilts his head thoughtfully. "Iâve dreamed of this, you know. Holding your hand."
"You⌠you have?"
"Itâs cheesy, isnât it?" Wonwoo clicks his tongue, letting his thumb slowly run over your knuckles. "Iâd see you shivering during winter and my first thought would be to hold your hand. Or whenever we sat next to each other in class, Iâd look at you and think, 'I wonder what their hands feel like'. At first, I believed I thought this way because I was young and curious, but now, I think it's because I've always wanted to be close to you in this way."
Then he cradles your hand with both of his, the warmth of his palms seeping through the crevices of your heart, your entire being.Â
"I like being vulnerable with you," Wonwoo admits bashfully, mindlessly playing with your fingers. If he could hold it forever, he would. "even if youâre scared of it. I like letting you into my life. I like knowing that you know me. I like you. And if youâre scared right now, thatâs okay. Youâre letting me hold your hand right nowđthatâs a big step. One day at a time, right?"Â
It suddenly becomes quiet enough for you to hear your own heart right now. Wonwoo seems closer to you than ever before, close enough you donât know where to look. Your eyes flicker from his eyes, to his ears, down to the way your hands still havenât let each other go yet, and finally, halting at the curve of his lips.Â
Then a sudden impulse hits you. Without thinking, you lean forward and press your lips against his, a quick, chaste kiss, before pulling away instantly and sliding your hand out of his, feeling your face immediately flush out of embarrassment.Â
"Sorry, that was, uhâŚ" You pause, reaching out for your near-empty glass of water on the table and downing the rest like a shot of liquor. Gosh, the room feels so hot right now.Â
Even Wonwoo finds himself tugging at the collar of his shirt awkwardly, a light blush tinting his cheeks. He clears his throat, readjusts his glasses on his nose, a small smile tugging at the corners of his lips. "Why are you saying sorry?"
"For⌠for kissing you! And It was a bad kiss tooâŚ"
"Thereâll be better kisses later on."
You could probably drink an entire pitcher of water right after that. Your mouth parts open as you stare at him for a minute, taken aback by his nonchalant response. He seems unfazed, almost amused by your embarrassment.Â
The way you look so shocked and flustered and cute right now has a low laugh escaping from Wonwooâs lips, and itâs infectious enough to send you into an embarrassed, somewhat awkward fit of giggles as well.Â
The two of you are sitting side-by-side just like the first minute you sat on his couch, some space between but closer than it was before. The tension has definitely dissipated and a new comfort has taken its place. A comfortable silence. A simple moment between two people, and two hearts that are beating as one.Â
A small tap at your hand makes you look back up, and you see Wonwoo holding his hand out toward you with his pinky finger extended.
"One day at a time?" he asks.Â
All you do is smile softly, feeling a weight lift from your shoulders as you intertwine your pinky finger with his with hardly any hesitation.
"One day at a time."Â
One day at a time, You repeat to yourself in your head. For good measure.
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The Holiday in Vermont
Thank you anon for this prompt!
Pairing: Dave York x f!reader
Summary: A much needed escape after a brutal breakup to Woodstock, Vermont gives you much more than you ever bargained for when you meet Dave York.
Warnings: language, smut (18+ MDNI), oral f!receiving, unprotected piv sex, one little spank, mentions of infidelity, angst, food and alcohol consumption, heartbreak
WC: 8.1K
dividers by @/saradika-graphics
A/N: inspired by the movie The Holiday - if you're a fan you'll notice some very familiar lines â¤ď¸
"Yes, okay? I slept with her."
The words still echoed loudly inside your head.
"She's in love with me, I'm sorry!"
You couldn't remember storming down the stairs and yelling in your ex-boyfriend's face in the middle of your driveway, but you did remember clocking him square across the jaw. Twice.
He tried to blame you, tried to blame your long working hours. But you refused to accept it. He was the one who encouraged his receptionist's flirty behavior. He was the one who took her to fancy hotels when you were working late. Not you. Him.
However, he had a point. You worked a lot. Probably too much, but you loved what you did. Was it so much to ask for a partner who supported and understood your dreams and goals?
Alright. Maybe you should have planned more date nights or something.
It didn't matter. Things were over. Finished. Kaput. But you couldn't stand the thought of being by yourself during Christmas in your cold, lonely penthouse apartment in Chicago. So with a quick, spur of the moment google search, you found yourself renting an Airbnb in the quaint little town of Woodstock, Vermont.
Known for its idyllic shops and gorgeous winter landscapes, you figured, why not? A week away from the chaos of your job and pain of a failed relationship. Your boss was stunned to hear you wanted to take a vacation, the first since you had started six years ago, but he was quick to approve your time off request knowing full well the company couldn't run without you.
Five days before Christmas, you sat in a sweet little cabin just a short walk from town. You were in the woods, just you and a stack of books you promised yourself to at least try to take a crack at, in front of a cozy fireplace. You must have dozed off because you jolted upright with your heart racing when you heard a key being worked rather roughly at the front door.
"Oh, shit. Oh, fuck," you whispered, tossing the fuzzy blanket off you and racing to the fireplace. With a poker in hand, you swiveled around right as the door swung open.
You heard a man's voice grumbling under his breath and your grip on the poker tightened. When he flicked the lights on, you gave him your best scowl and tried to look as fearsome as possible.
"I've already called the police, I suggest you be on your way," you lied.
But all he did was frown and close the door behind him, leaving the blustery, snowy weather outside where it belonged.
"Who are you?" he asked with a sharpness to his voice. You scoffed, offended.
"Me? I'm renting this place from the owner, Sandy. And who should I tell the cops broke in?"
The man smirked and shrugged off his coat, completely unphased by your weapon.
"I'm Dave. Sandy's brother."
You stumbled backwards as he hurried over to the fireplace to warm his hands. It was then you got a good look at him. Strong, cut jaw. Clean shaven. Dark brown hair with eyes to match, but there was a softness to them you couldn't deny. And when he leaned forward to throw another log onto the fire, you noticed the way his broad shoulders stretched the fabric of his sweater.
"And what are you doing here, 'Dave, Sandy's brother'?"
He chuckled and sat back on his heels to look up at you, the reflection from the fire making his dark eyes sparkle.
"Well, on the rare occasion I find myself having too much fun at the local bar, Sandy lets me spend the night here. My place is a good half hour away and she worries about me driving. You know how sisters are," he said with a small smile. The iciness to his voice was gone as he slowly searched your face. "Want to tell me your name now?"
You wanted to stay rigid but the way he looked at you caused you to fold. You told him your name and explained you were staying through Christmas to get away from... things.
He nodded and leaned back into the couch you had fallen asleep on just a few hours earlier, stretching his arms wide across the back and spreading his legs while gazing up at you.
"So no husband, then?"
You swallowed and kept your eyes locked on his face. Why was he asking?
"No. No husband. Be a little strange to be attached to someone and not be with them during Christmas, don't you think?" you asked with an arched brow.
Dave smirked and let his eyes drop to stare at the fire.
"Imagine so."
Silence stretched on for another minute and you lowered yourself onto the couch.
"So you can't drive?" you asked. Dave pushed air through his lips and shook his head.
"But I can call an uber or something. I didn't know she rented out the place."
You glanced around the small cabin, weighing your options. If he wanted to kill you, he would have already, right?
"Or you could stay," you offered. His eyes snapped up to yours in surprise. "I mean, if you wanted. Since you're already here and all."
"You sure?"
You nodded and pressed your lips together.
"Mhm," you hummed as you looked around. "There's probably a spare pillow somewhere."
Dave's lips curled into a slow smile as he watched you fumble around for a pillow.
"Mind if I ask why you're here spending Christmas alone?"
You froze, scanning your brain for a lie until you realized it didn't really matter if this man knew your story, you would never see him again, anyway.
"I, uh, broke up with someone," you said, finally finding a pillow and thick blanket in a cabinet behind the television. "I wanted to get away from the city to distract myself and... well, so far it's not really working," you admitted with a wry chuckle. You turned to hand him the bedding, fingers brushing against his and sending a shiver down your spine. Your eyes locked with Dave and you felt your heart flutter before you forced yourself to take a breath and snap out of it.
"Sorry to hear that," Dave said softly. Then the corner of his mouth twitched when he added, "Maybe I could help distract you?"
"Excuse me?" you snapped, crossing your arms. Dave set the bedding down next to him and waved his hands in surrender.
"Sorry. Not appropriate."
"No, it wasn't."
"Sorry," he said again. You swallowed tightly, anger and excitement battling it out inside you. Part of you wanted to kick him out in the snow and book the first flight out of there. But another much louder part of you wanted to consider his offer. What better way to move on from your ex than to hook up with an admittedly very attractive man who you would never see again?
It's not something you'd ever done before, but did that make it so wrong? Could you not just enjoy yourself for one night?
Dave had stood to spread out his blanket across the couch, ignoring your internal conflict behind him. Once he had everything set, he finally turned to look at you.
"Well... good night."
Your heart was already racing in your chest from your decision made seconds prior, but when he stepped forward to give you a peck on the cheek, an action no doubt fueled by the alcohol in his veins, your blood pumped even faster. At the last second, you turned your head and captured his lips with yours.
The kiss was a bit stiff. Both of you paused in surprise but lingered a few moments before he pulled away and looked down at you curiously.
"I thought-"
"I changed my mind," you said before grabbing his thick sweater in your fist and pulling him down for another kiss. That one was less than polite. His hands flew up to cup your face while his tongue pried open your mouth and licked past your teeth. You knew your bedroom was somewhere behind you, but Dave knew the layout of the cabin much better. He began to walk you backwards while your hands pawed desperately at his shoulders, and only once you both collapsed into bed did you even break away for air.
"I never do this," you panted while tearing off your shirt. Dave was working on his belt, ripping open the leather in a frenzy.
"That's okay," he responded while kicking off his pants.
"It's just - I caught my ex cheating on me with his receptionist," you continued, clothes falling off you one by one. "And the thought of hooking up with a guy I'll never see again is weirdly turning me on right now."
Dave laughed and tugged his sweater over his head, revealing his strong chest and thick arms.
"He sounds like an asshole."
"He is," you breathed right before Dave crawled on top of you for another deep kiss. You moaned into his mouth and wrapped your legs around his waist, jumping a little when you felt his already hard cock press between your bodies.
"Relax," he whispered, then gave you one more quick kiss before dragging his mouth down your throat. His hands greedily squeezed at your hips and his tongue darted out to lick and bite gently at your breasts as he continued his way down, not stopping until his shoulders were wedged between your thighs and his mouth was hovering over your glistening cunt.
Dave didn't waste any time teasing you. He buried his face between your legs, lapping up your seam a few times before prodding further. His tongue swirled at your entrance with a muffled groan while you squirmed and gasped in his hold. You tried to subconsciously inch away, body already too sensitive, but his arms pinned down each of your legs, holding you flat and open so he could eat at you freely.
Curses left your lips in soft whimpers as he pushed you higher and higher with his mouth. Your fingers grabbed weakly at his disheveled hair, drawing his eyes open. He was transfixed when he watched you, chest heaving and head twisting this way and that as you struggled to find your high.
Either he wasn't the kind of guy that liked to tease women or he was too eager to fuck you because his lips latched around your clit, sending your back arching off the mattress with a broken cry. With just a few flicks of his tongue, he sent you hurtling over the edge. Stars burst behind your eyelids as your orgasm rolled through you, hips rocking up to meet his mouth until your legs grew shaky and your heart felt like it might beat right out of your chest.
"Oh, fuck - oh, my god," you gasped, dragging in huge gulps of air while Dave peppered kisses over your hips and up your stomach until he was pressing his body against yours.
"Need a minute?" he asked with a cocky lilt to his voice. His lips tugged into a smile against your throat and you had a feeling he noticed the tremor in your hands as they raked through his hair.
"No, I'm fine," you replied defiantly. Dave propped himself up on his forearms, smirking down at you with his lips still wet from your climax.
"Yeah? You think you're ready to take me, baby?"
His knee nudged yours aside, opening your legs even wider so he could reach down and fist his cock. You nodded but he caught the way your breath hitched when he dragged just the tip through your folds.
"Shit," you whispered, eyes already fluttered closed.
"Hey," he said with a sharp little bite to your chin. Your eyelids popped open, slightly annoyed. "Keep 'em open. Eyes on me."
"You're bossy in bed," you told him. He just chuckled and lined himself up.
"I just know what I like."
You were about to say something back, probably something snippy to try and knock his arrogance down a peg, but at that very same moment he pushed himself inside you, every thick, hard inch in one go, and whatever words you had queued up died in your throat.
Now you understood why he wanted you to look at him. He wanted to see the way your eyes changed when he entered you. He wanted to see that initial shock followed by that rush of pleasure. He wanted to see your eyes soften when you grew used to his girth and fill with need when he took too long to move. You knew all of this because it was exactly what you saw reflected in his own eyes as he stared down at you.
"Dave," you whispered with your eyebrows still pinched together. He was so fucking thick that the stretch stung a little, but in the best way possible. "Dave... fuck me. Please fu-"
You gasped and threw your head back into your pillow when he dragged himself out a few inches just so he could slam back into you.
"Oh, god, yes!" you cried out, his hips snapping against you faster. He kept one hand tangled in your hair and the other firmly planted on your hip. Each time he pounded into you, he yanked your hips upwards, driving himself as deep as possible while you fought for breath because every devastating stroke punched the air straight from your lungs.
You had never been with a man like Dave before. He had swagger but he had the goods to back it up. He was rough with the way he fucked you, but so soft when his mouth connected with yours, muffling your cries and his grunts.
His hips suddenly slowed and your eyes popped open in surprise. Your lips were still locked with his but he was fucking you slower now and then you realized he was matching pace with the way he was kissing you. Soft and deep and with purpose. You closed your eyes and felt a sigh shake loose in your chest, then your arms wrapped around his neck and you melted into his embrace. You weren't sure what caused the sudden change but it felt good. It was sweet and intimate and lo-
No. No, this was not why you came all the way to Vermont. You refused to fall for another man who would end up breaking your heart. You told Dave you just wanted a one-night stand, but the way he was pressing his body against yours and the way his tongue was mapping your mouth like he was trying to commit you to memory had you pulling away. You gave his chest a hard shove and his eyes fluttered open in confusion.
"What are you-"
"Move," you said, pushing him once again. He frowned but did as you asked, leaning back to give you space so you could pull yourself up onto your elbows. When you squirmed away, his cock slipped out of you and you swore you heard him whimper, but you pushed it from your mind.
"Did I do something?" he asked, but then you flipped onto your hands and knees and looked at him over your shoulder with a smirk.
"Want you to fuck me like this," you said, wiggling your ass in the air. His eyes darkened and his hands greedily found your waist, and all traces of that softness he had just shown you vanished. You sighed and rested the side of your head on the bed with your arms stretched out above you while you waited.
"Such a pretty sight, baby," he murmured before cracking the palm of his hand across one cheek. You gasped and jumped forward but he quickly dragged you back, impaling you on his cock once again.
Just as you had hoped, Dave began to fuck you harder. His fingers dug into your hips, pushing and pulling you in rhythm with his thrusts. Every stroke was so deep and powerful that it had tears burning the backs of your eyes. It was absolutely perfect. Your mind was blissfully blank. Every thought and memory and worry from the past week flew out of your brain while Dave fucked you like it was his last day on earth.
As if he could read your mind, he said, "This what you needed, isn't it? Needed someone to fuck you properly for once?"
Tears leaked out of your eyes and soaked into the bedding.
"Yes," you gasped. "So good - you feel so fucking good -"
"Did he used to fuck you like this?"
For the life of you, you couldn't figure out what he was talking about. Not when his cock kept splitting you open like it was. Your legs were getting shaky and you felt that crest beginning to rapidly rise with every harsh thrust of his hips against your ass.
"W-who?"
Dave chuckled and fell forward. His palms were pressed flat on either side of your head and you wailed when somehow the shift had forced his cock even deeper inside you.
"Your ex, baby. What was his name?"
You sobbed and shook your head, hands grabbing to push against the headboard he was quickly fucking you into.
"Don't remember his name?" Dave panted in your ear. "Ouch. Poor bastard. Bet you know my name, though, don't you?"
"Yes!" you screamed out when two of his fingers reached underneath and began to press fast circles against your clit. "Dave! Dave! D - ah, fuck! - I -"
It hit you all at once. Tears streamed down your face when you came, gushing all around his cock as he continued to pummel into you. He was saying something, you were sure of it, but you couldn't hear a word. The ringing in your ears was too loud. Your muscles were jumping and spasming with every wave of your orgasm, pussy squeezing and fluttering around his shaft and pulling his own release to the surface with you.
Right when you were beginning to regain your senses, you heard him groan your name repeatedly. He grabbed at your hip again, abandoning your clit when he sensed it was too much, and yanked you back so your ass was flush against him as he spilled his seed inside of you. Every burst had him softly groaning and pulling until he exhaled shakily and collapsed, slipping out of you and knocking you off your knees to lay flat on the bed with him.
"How's that for a distraction?" he murmured. You grinned and pushed the hair away from your face.
"Not bad."
Dave huffed and rolled onto his side, facing you.
"You couldn't remember your ex's damn name. I think it was a little better than that." He reached out to gently caress your cheek and you felt that softness creeping back up again, but that time you couldn't fight it. You were too exhausted, so you closed your eyes and gave in.
Tomorrow. Tomorrow you would remind him it was a one time thing and that you were not interested in anything else. But for that one night, you let him pull you close with his bare chest pressed against your back and soundly fell asleep wrapped in his strong arms.
The next morning you had dragged yourself out of bed, fighting against every cell in your body that begged you to remain warm and cozy under the covers next to Dave. As tempting as it was to examine him while he slept so peacefully, you knew yourself. If you weren't careful, you would end up developing feelings for him and you certainly couldn't afford to be put in a position where you would be disappointed by yet another man.
That was why you found yourself an hour later fiddling with the coffee maker and cursing under your breath when the damn thing wouldn't turn on.
"Morning," his deep voice rumbled from the doorway. You whipped around and gave him a polite smile. He was wearing the same clothes as the night before but his hair was still a little unkept and his gaze was drifting appreciatively over your frame, making your smile widen against your will.
"Morning. I was trying to make you some coffee but this stupid thing-"
"-needs to be plugged in," he finished for you with a smirk. You furrowed your brow and twisted back around to examine the machine when suddenly he had sidled up behind you. "Not much of a coffee drinker, I take it?" he asked, stretching an arm around you to plug in the machine and flip the switch. You could feel his exhale on the back of your neck as memories from the night before flooded your mind.
"Uh, no, not really," you admitted while stepping to the side to create a little more distance. You picked up a glass filled with a store bought smoothie, forgoing the freshly made smoothies you were used to buying every morning back in Chicago since the small town of Woodstock didn't afford many options. Dave's face twisted into a look of disgust when he saw you take a sip.
"That looks like lawn clippings in a glass."
"It's not that bad - want to try a little?"
He shook his head and turned to open a cabinet. "I'll wait for the good stuff, but thanks," he said after placing a coffee mug on the counter.
You sat at the small kitchen table, tugging your oversized sweatshirt tighter around your neck as you sipped your smoothie and watched Dave maneuver around the room, completely comfortable and in his element while he dug around for something to eat and fixed his coffee to his liking.
It felt very domestic. Too domestic. So you cleared your throat, deciding you needed to clarify your intentions before you were pulled even further under his spell, but Dave spoke first.
"Are you busy today? I had some errands to run in town. Thought you might wanna tag along. I could show you around, maybe get some lunch-"
He had turned around with his mug clutched in his hands when you cut him off.
"Uh, I don't think that's such a good idea," you said. "I'm not really looking for anything more than, you know... what we did-"
"Just using me for a quick fuck?" he asked, but when your eyes snapped up to his in surprise, you could tell he was teasing you.
"Well..."
Dave chuckled and sat down across from you.
"Don't worry, I'm not looking for anything serious, either," he assured you. You watched his tongue dart out to lick his lip, catching a drop of coffee that hung there, and your thighs squeezed together.
"Okay, good. Glad we got that out of the way."
"So, you wanna come to town with me or what? I gotta pick up my car, I can drop you off after."
You blinked and shifted in your chair. Dave watched your gaze flicker uncomfortably out the window and he rolled his eyes.
"I'm not going to fall in love with you over a few errands," he said, tone flat. "Just thought you'd want to check out the town."
"Yeah, okay, you're right," you relented. There was no harm in killing a little time with him, right? You both were on the same page and you didn't even have a chance to explore the town yet on your own.
"Great," he said with a grin, then tipped his head back and downed the rest of his coffee. Your eyes locked onto his throat and immediately noticed the marks you had left the night before. You stood quickly and told him you were going to get ready, telling yourself the same thing over and over.
He's just a rebound, it doesn't mean anything.
Woodstock, Vermont was absolutely adorable. You could see why so many people flocked there during the holidays. Everywhere you looked you saw something straight out of a Nancy Meyers movie. Wreathes, trees, twinkle lights, and garlands covered every single house and shop along the Main Street of town. There was a dusting of snow that lingered from the night before, adding to the beauty around you. There were even covered bridges draped in garland and lights. Had you ever even seen a covered bridge in real life before? Probably not.
The further you walked into town, the more you became convinced it was a literal Christmas wonderland.
"Is this place serious? A horse drawn carriage?" you exclaimed when a wagon pulled by a massive brown and white horse with blinders on trotted on by, kicking up snow with it's hooves.
"Yeah, they do Christmas big around here," Dave chuckled.
You readjusted your scarf and wrapped your arms around yourself as you continued to walk with Dave up the sidewalk. Everyone you passed was friendly, giving you both warm smiles and murmurs of good morning. You were beginning to understand why people preferred to live in small towns. Everything moved slower and afforded you the chance to simply take a breath and enjoy the little things.
"My car's just up the street. The bar is right on the corner," Dave pointed with a gloved hand. "But you mind if we stop a couple places first? I have a Christmas present I need to pick up."
"Yeah, sure," you shrugged as you followed him into the first shop. A little bell rang above your heads when you stepped inside. As you were tapping the excess snow off your boots, you breathed in deep the scent of cinnamon and looked around. It was a boutique of some kind and looked like it was marketed primarily for women. Blouses, scarves, gloves, hair accessories, purses and makeup adorned each rack and shelf.
"I placed an order last week, just gotta pick it up at the counter," he explained, taking off his gloves and instinctually grabbing for your hand. It took you by surprise and he must have sensed it because a moment later he let your hand drop and cleared his throat.
You shook it off and shoved your hand in your coat pocket, slowly trailing after him. You lingered at a display of sunglasses and hummed softly to the Christmas carols that were playing quietly through the overhead speakers.
Dave greeted the cashier and gave his name for the order, only half listening to him as you tried on different sunglasses a few feet away.
"You got the last one, you have good taste," the older lady behind the counter told him happily as she handed over a pre-wrapped gift. "It looks like-" she glanced at the tag and smiled, "Alice will have a very lovely Christmas."
Alice? You had just assumed Dave was picking up something for Sandy. He wouldn't be taking you around town to shop for another woman, would he?
When he turned around with the bag, you noticed he avoided your eye and you couldn't help but wonder if it was out of shame.
Whatever. You both said you weren't interested in anything serious. But was that because he was already in a serious relationship? The thought hadn't occurred to you until that moment and it left you feeling unsettled.
"You ready?" he asked. You set your sunglasses down and nodded, immediately picking up on the tension radiating from him after the cashier mentioned another woman's name. And even though you were dying from curiosity, you let it go because it didn't matter. He was a rebound.
After walking another block and waiting for Dave after he popped into the post office for a quick moment, you stopped in front of a quaint looking bookshop.
"Do you mind?" you asked, pointing towards the door. Dave looked up and shrugged before stepping forward and holding open the door for you.
The smell of paper, ink, and leather hit you all at once, making you sigh and smile wide.
"Now this is what I'm talking about," you said excitedly over your shoulder. Dave grinned at the way you moved from genre to genre, picking up a book here or there and turning it over in your hands before deciding whether or not to tuck it under your arm to purchase.
"Big reader?" he asked as he watched you flip through the pages of a historical romance.
"Yeah, but I hardly have the time," you confessed. "I have a huge stack back at the cabin but I think I'm an addict, I just can't stop myself from buying more whenever I see a bookshop."
"Addict, huh? Guess there's worse things to be addicted to," he said, setting down his bag so he could look through a book of his own. He read a few paragraphs and snorted as if he wasn't impressed, but out of the corner of your eye you noticed him get drawn in and continued to read the page.
"You like that one?"
His eyes flicked up to you and he straightened his spine.
"Nah. Just caught my attention for a second..."
His eyes dropped back down to the page and you giggled, tilting the cover up so you could see the title.
"I have this book. Back at the cabin. You can have it," you told him before putting your own book back and moving on down the aisle.
"I can't take your book," he protested behind you.
"I already read it, it's fine. Besides, I like to do it. Read a book and hand it off to someone else. Books are meant to be read and enjoyed, not stared at on a shelf for all of eternity," you told him as you made your way to the counter.
"Well, at least let me buy you lunch then," he said as you cashed out three new books. You swiped your card and arched an eyebrow.
"Are you trying to take me on a date?"
"No, never," Dave replied immediately with fake disgust. You laughed and took your receipt from the cashier, offering your thanks before turning and heading back out into the cold.
"Alright, fine. Where should we have our non-date?"
Dave pointed across the street with a grin.
"How about the bar? Pick up my car right after. Two birds, one stone."
"Ah, yes. No further thought required and hyper-focused on efficiency. Exactly what every woman loves to hear from a man," you joked.
Dave laughed and threw his arm around your shoulder before leading you in the direction of the bar.
"You said this isn't a date, baby."
"And yet you just called me baby."
He laughed again and shook his head but offered no further explanation.
The inside of the, presumably, only bar in town was exactly what you would expect. Dark, the scent of stale beer, various sporting events playing on the televisions scattered above the bar itself. But just like the rest of the town, the owners still jazzed the place up with a Christmas tree in the window, garland strung along the shelves of liquor, and the bartenders all wore Santa hats.
There weren't many people when you walked in, but there were a few men bellied up to the bar with beers watching a football game, along with one or two tables dining off to the side.
"Hey, Dave. Back so soon?" a male bartender asked, then did a double take when he saw you. "Oh, you got a date."
"It isn't a date," Dave said. You immediately heard his voice change. It sounded more high pitched. Like he was nervous or jumpy. You looked at him quizzically, as did the other patrons at the bar. An older man with a long beard whistled low and the other two swiveled in their seats to give you both a once over.
"Holy shit, Dave's got a date."
"It's not-"
"Hey, Sammy! Come check this out! Dave brought a girl!" another one called out into the depths of the bar. Dave's face began to turn pink and his hand fell from your shoulders.
"Vinny, cut it out."
"She's pretty, too!" the third man yelled after Vinny.
"Oh, thank you," you said shyly.
"Jesus Christ," Dave muttered beside you before ushering you over to an empty table. But given the layout of the place, you were still only seated a short distance away from the bar itself.
"Tell us, honey. What's a nice girl like you doing with a schlub like him?" the first man with the beard asked with a lopsided grin.
"Shut up, Dick," Dave snapped over his shoulder, the embarrassment making his shoulders slump forward as if he were trying to disappear into the floor.
"Don't call him a dick," you scolded.
"I'm not. That's his name."
"Oh."
"Holy shit! Thought you were yankin' my chain!" a shorter middle aged man exclaimed when he appeared around the corner. He wiped his hands on his apron and approached your table with a shit eating grin. "Hiya, name's Sammy," he said, offering you his hand. You shook it and told him your name. One of his teeth was capped with gold and the twinkle from the Christmas lights made it sparkle.
"Where you been hidin' this one?" Sammy asked Dave. You grinned and crossed your arms on the table to lean forward, reveling in his discomfort.
"She's just staying at Sandy's cabin through Christmas. Thought I would be neighborly and show her around," Dave grumbled while scanning the menu.
"Neighborly? Ain't your place like, half an hour out?"
"Yeah, that's what he said yesterday," you told Sammy with a nod. "We met last night when he made the mistake of breaking into said cabin after having too much fun with you boys."
"I didn't break in, I have a key."
"You spent the night together, huh?" the unnamed man teased from the bar. Dave squeezed his eyes shut.
"Sounds like it, Hank," Sammy called over.
"But it ain't a date," Vinny said, poorly imitating Dave.
"You think we can eat in peace or should I take her to Cheryl's deli?" Dave snapped. The three men at the bar chuckled and finally turned around to give you some privacy.
"Sorry, honey. Just gotta razz the big guy," Sammy told you with a wink.
"Oh, by all means, I'm enjoying myself immensely," you replied, waggling your eyebrows at Dave when his eyes dragged up from the table. He sighed but you caught the smirk he was trying to hide behind his menu.
You each ordered a burger and mercifully, after Sammy dropped off your drinks, you were left with some peace and quiet.
"Come here a lot, then?" you teased over your soda.
"When I'm in town."
"Ah. Does your job require a lot of travel?" It was then you realized you hadn't ever asked him anything about his job. He seemed like a business man with his clean shaven face. Maybe a banker. But what he said next shocked you.
"Yes. I work for the C.I.A."
"What?" you exclaimed quietly. He nodded, unphased. "What do you do?"
"I'm a field agent. I go where the bad guys are. Report back in to D.C. couple times a month. Even make my way to Chicago pretty often, if you believe it. Got a field office there," he told you, leaning back in his chair.
"Oh... wow," you breathed, your mind racing a mile a minute. "But you're from here?"
"I am," he replied. He was watching you carefully now, his eyes dancing with mischief as you struggled to absorb this new information. You had a million questions and had no idea where to even start, but it didn't matter because his phone ringing on the table cut you off.
Without thinking, your eyes locked onto the screen. Molly.
"Shit," he murmured, standing and picking up his phone. "I gotta take this. Do you mind?"
"No, go right ahead," you said airily, then watched him throw his jacket over his arm and head outside. Your mouth twisted around nervously as you watched him pace back and forth through the window, smiling and laughing while he talked on the phone.
Didn't seem like a work call. So who the hell was Molly?
"Molly... Alice... popular guy," you muttered under your breath.
Didn't matter. It wasn't a date and you were not interested in seeing Dave after the day was over.
Really. You weren't.
"Sorry," he said once he breezed back inside at the exact same time your food arrived.
"Work?" you couldn't help but ask. You kept your eyes on your plate so he wouldn't see your jealousy flaring up unwillingly.
"Uh... no," he said, then quickly changed the subject. "You never told me what you do for work?"
It was a sufficient enough distraction. While you ate, you explained your job in advertising. How the long hours, endless meetings, and greasy takeout were all worth it when you pitched a perfect idea to a client and you saw that look on their face. The one where they were thrilled with your work that would then have them eagerly signing a contract. Every single one pushed you higher and higher up the corporate ladder. You already had a corner office and a penthouse downtown, but you were always looking for the next big sale. You explained to Dave that the money and promotions didn't mean much anymore. It was the thrill and the payoff that made it so rewarding.
"Uh, sorry," you cringed, "I didn't realize I had been talking for so long." Your plates were empty and Dave had been leaning forward with his hand curled in his drink, hanging on your every word.
"Don't be sorry. Sounds like you really love your job."
"I do, but I never get any time for a life," you admitted sadly. You stared down at your glass, swirling the straw around the mostly melted ice. "This was my first vacation in six years."
Dave's eyes widened in shock. "Six years? And you chose to come... here?"
"What? It's cute here!" you protested with a laugh. "I wanted the full Christmas experience."
He huffed and shook his head. "Well, you came to the right place, I guess. There's a parade tomorrow afternoon with Santa and real reindeer-"
He stopped himself short and cleared his throat awkwardly before continuing. "I mean, if you wanted to go. Everyone in town kind of goes."
"Are you asking me out on another non-date?" you teased with a grin, but Dave pressed his lips together and swallowed tightly.
"Uh, no. I can't - I - I'm busy."
"But you just said everyone in town goes," you replied, smile slipping from your face.
He sighed and bit the inside of his cheek.
"This is awkward," he began, and a heavy feeling suddenly filled your chest. "I'm going to the parade but... I'm going with someone else."
"Oh," you said softly. He's a rebound, doesn't mean anything. "That's ... fine."
It wasn't fine. It hurt, and you were doing your best to hide it.
"Listen-"
"Why don't we just get going?" you asked with a tight smile. Dave's eyes softened as he scanned your face, desperately trying to come up with the right thing to say. "Seriously, it's fine. We talked about this, remember?" you laughed, then stood up to tug your coat back on. Slowly, Dave rose from his chair to copy you.
The walk back to his car was tense. You had no idea what to say. It shouldn't matter, you made your wishes very clear, yet despite yourself, it still really fucking mattered. And in the short ride back to the cabin, you broke.
"Are you married? Tell me fast," you said completely out of the blue. His mouth fell open in shock but he kept his eyes on the road.
"No. No, I'm not married."
"Girlfriend, then? Or, girlfriends?"
"What?" he hissed, then you tossed your hands up in the air in defeat.
"Alice... Molly... how many are there?" you snapped, voice rising the angrier you got.
Dave took a deep breath and gripped the wheel tightly.
"Alice and Molly are my... daughters," he finally said, voice a little strained. You completely forgot how to breathe. You sat in a stunned silence as he drove the rest of the way down the street and pulled into the driveway of the cabin, and only once he threw the car in park did he look at you.
"Daughters?" you repeated. He nodded.
"They're ten and twelve."
"O-oh, my god," you whispered. "I'm sorry, Jesus Christ why wouldn't you tell me?"
Dave shrugged and looked through the windshield at the empty cabin. When it became apparent he wasn't going to answer, you continued.
"I told you about my ex and about my life - Dave, why wouldn't you just tell me you're divorced? I wouldn't have cared."
"I don't bring women home to them," he said suddenly. You clamped your mouth shut, falling silent and giving him a chance to speak. "And I'm not divorced. I'm... widowed," he added, choking on the last word. His gaze fell down to stare at his lap. "I just try to protect them, you know? I try to keep my private life separate unless I know it's real 'cause they've already been through too much, I can't put them through losing someone else."
He had a point. And you had repeatedly dropped hints throughout the day that you were not interested in anything further with him and nothing you did that afternoon was to be considered a date.
So why was your throat so tight and why did your heart ache so badly in your chest?
Two days passed. Forty-eight hours where you spent pacing around your rented out cabin, trying to distract yourself with books while wrestling with your feelings over Dave.
It was impossible to ignore. You liked him. You couldn't stop thinking about him; the way he held your hand, the private little smiles he reserved just for you, the way he held you close the night you spent together... your thoughts were utterly and completely absorbed with Dave. And you had a feeling he liked you, too. Why else would he have wanted to spend the day with you? You had already fucked. Most men would have hightailed it out of there at first light. And to take you to the bar where he knew his drinking buddies would see you? That must have meant something.
You almost went to the parade just to possibly catch a glimpse of him but you backed out at the last second. Dave said he didn't want to introduce his girls to any women in his life to protect them, and you had to respect that. The last thing you knew you should do was surprise him with his family at the parade. No, that certainly wouldn't have gone over well at all.
Now, it was Christmas Eve. You didn't even have his number to text him Merry Christmas. So, after too many hours overanalyzing every little thing, you came up with a plan: you would go to the bar with the book you had promised him under the guise of wanting to get it to him before you left for Chicago.
As far as plans went, it was a pretty good one. It was feasible and a realistic excuse. But wouldn't he be spending Christmas Eve with his daughters? You shook the thought from your head. You didn't even know where he lived. Short of contacting Sandy and asking, this was your only plan. It had to work. It had to.
After spending over an hour getting ready and trying to quiet your nerves, you slipped on your leather jacket and adjusted your scarf in the mirror to make it look just right. You sighed and snatched the book from the couch, marching to the front door while murmuring under your breath over and over, I can do this.
But when you swung open the door to reveal Dave standing on the other side with his fist poised to knock, all your confidence flew straight out the window.
"Oh," you breathed. He dropped his hand to the side and gave you a small smile.
"Hey."
"Hi," you whispered, still stricken with disbelief that he was standing before you out of nowhere. Then you blinked rapidly a few times and stepped back. "Want to come in?"
"Yeah, if you don't mind," he said, slipping off his shoes and coat before his gaze slid down your frame, noticing your outerwear. "You're heading out, I'm sorry. This won't take long."
"No, actually, I'm-"
What? What were you supposed to say? You were very clearly about to walk out the door. You chewed your bottom lip nervously as you shrugged off your scarf and jacket, then rolled your eyes to yourself. Fuck it.
"I was going to try to find you, actually," you blurted out. Dave's eyes shot up to meet yours from his place next to the fire.
"You were?"
You nodded and took a few steps closer. When you remembered you were still holding the book, you held it out for him.
"I promised you this," you said softly. He glanced down at the book and gingerly took it from you. "I was going to see if you were at the bar but then I thought you might be with your girls tonight."
"They're with their grandparents," Dave murmured. He placed the book down gently and looked up at you once again.
"Oh. Right."
A long silence stretched between you, each waiting for the other to speak with only the sound of a crackling fire to fill the air.
You caved first.
"Why did you come here, Dave?"
He exhaled slowly and his shoulders sagged, looking like he had just been through battle.
"I came here because-"
He stopped and took a deep breath. Propping his hands on his hips, he let out a dry laugh and shook his head, like he couldn't believe what he was about to say.
"I know you were very clear about what you wanted," he began. The smile slowly melted as his nerves took over. "And I was, too. But - goddamnit."
He rubbed his eyes with his thumb and forefinger while you shifted anxiously from foot to foot, hoping and praying he was trying to say what you wanted him to say.
"But you want something more?" you offered timidly. His hand dropped to his side and he nodded sheepishly.
"I can't get you out of my head," he confessed with a pained expression. Your pulse spiked and your fingers fidgeted at your sides. You wanted to run into his arms but you also desperately wanted to hear what he had to say.
"I can't stop thinking about you. I know it's crazy, believe me," Dave scoffed. "And I know you just got out of a relationship. I sure as hell know I have my own baggage. But - I don't know. Is this stupid?"
He looked so adorable, all distraught and standing there in front of your fire wearing dark jeans and an ugly blue sweatshirt with a massive snowflake on it. A smile tugged at your lips.
"Nice sweater."
He blinked and looked down.
"Alice got it for me for Christmas last year."
"Hm. Well, maybe next time I can take her shopping. We've got some nicer stores in Chicago. Find something a little more suited to you," you said playfully. His eyes lit up as he slowly connected the dots. "That is, if you're willing to visit with them sometime," you added quickly.
"Yeah," he breathed, then chuckled before he closed the distance and pulled you in for a deep kiss. You smiled against his lips, feeling elated and confused and still not entirely sure if you were dreaming or not.
"How will this work?" you gasped when he finally pulled away for air. Dave kept his hands firmly planted where they were; cupping your face while gazing down at you in wonder.
"I'm in Chicago a lot," he reminded you before peppering your face with kisses. You giggled and wrapped your arms tighter around his middle. "Maybe you can come here sometimes. It'll work. We'll figure it out."
You wiggled out of his grasp and took his hand. Teeth sinking into your lower lip, you began to slowly walk backwards towards your bedroom, pulling him along with a mischievous glint in his eye.
"What are you doing for New Year's?" you asked.
Dave smirked as his free hand found your waist. He slid his fingers underneath the hem of your shirt, brushing over the soft skin of your hip when he said, "I have the girls for New Year's."
You tugged him into the bedroom, both of you laughing softly at your enthusiasm. And right before his lips found yours again, you whispered, "Sounds perfect."
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